Researchers Say Dogs Can Detect If You Have Coronavirus By Smelling Your Armpits, So Let's Just Put Dogs At The Door Of Every Bar In America

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Ottawa Citizen - Dogs are able to detect the presence of Covid-19 on infected patients by sniffing their armpits, according to a new study by French scientists.

Researchers at the national veterinary school in Alfort, outside Paris, trained eight Belgian Malinois shepherd dogs to identify people infected with the coronavirus from odour samples taken from the armpits of more than 360 subjects, both healthy and suffering from Covid-19.

The dogs’ overall success rate was 95 per cent, according to a paper published on Friday on BioRxiv.org, a preprint website that posts studies that have not been peer-reviewed.

It's been pretty tough to remember that there's still a global pandemic going on here over the past couple of weeks. But yeah, coronavirus is still a thing in the world. And as we've heard time and time again, testing is one of the most important things we need to focus on to combat this son of a bitch virus.

Now I haven't personally been tested for COVID-19 yet and I sure as shit don't want to be. I've felt fine this whole time and I'd rather not get a Q-tip shoved up my nose and through my brain. Just doesn't seem like the best way to spend a beautiful summer afternoon. But if you told me all I had to do was let a dog smell my armpit? I'd get tested every damn day. 

And apparently that's all it takes. At least according to the French. All you gotta do is have a dog take a quick whiff of your pits and you're good to go. Which I think would be enormous for fully opening the economy back up. Or most importantly--just focusing on opening bars and restaurants again at full capacity. 

Imagine if you just had a dog hanging out with the bouncer out front of a bar. You show your ID to the bouncer, you get your pits sniffed by the dog, and now everybody in the bar is safe and good to get absolutely shitfaced with their squad again. And if we're already going to have a dog at the front door, maybe we can start just making all bars dog-friendly, the way they're supposed to be. I think it would also really force people to practice proper hygiene as well. Luckily I don't find myself in too many bars filled with disgusting slobs who have horrific body odor. But if you want to get by the pup's nose, you might not want your nasty pits to give off a false positive reading. Now everybody smells great, the vibes are great because there are dogs in the bar, and those $9 beers are doing wonders for the economy. 

Dog bouncers at every bar in America. We can be ready to open up everywhere by this weekend. Let's do it. 

@JordieBarstool