Jeff Bezos Would Be Worth $200 Billion Dollars Today If He Never Got Divorced

New York Post - Jeff Bezos would have become the world’s first $200 billion man on Monday — if not for that pesky divorce last year. The world’s richest man saw his net worth grow by $2.6 billion on Monday to top $152 billion, according to Forbes, while ex-wife MacKenzie Bezos saw her own wealth hover just shy of the half-century mark, at $49.6 billion. A report last month projected that Bezos could be on track to become the world’s first trillionaire by 2026.

I know it's a real social faux pas to feel bad for billionaires much less the richest recognized man in the history of civilization but that won't stop me from saying this totally fucking blows. Imagine the sense of personal achievement that comes with selling used books to eclipsing $200,000,000,0000 in gross personal wealth across a time period that effectively starts with Vince Carter winning the 1995 McDonald's slam dunk contest (loose timeline). 

You go back 25 years ago and Jeff Bezos was shipping vintage copies of Sherlock Homes to rural Indiana to pay off a loan from his parents. He wore old khakis and drove a '96 Honda Accord while eating cheese pizzas because toppings were extra, allegedly. This is a man who made endless sacrifices in pursuit of the ruthless destruction of American retail. He's ended more small businesses than any piece of legislation and will undoubtedly be remembered as one of the most naturally coldblooded titans of technology. I know people say Ralphie Cifaretto was a good earner but honestly we don't talk about Jeff Bezos enough in the same conversation of Best Earners.0c1ebd7e30e8b3e33d204bee4b988b5f.gifMakes me wonder if Jeff Bezos carries the same regrets most of us hold about not loading up on Penn Stock when it was $4.52.Like is he pacing his convertible-1-bed apartment furious with himself on a nightly basis? Is he thinking of all the things he could've bought with that other $49 Billion like I'm thumbing through West Loop condos on Zillow? Does he instantly slip into a depressed state the moment any of his friends bring up how much Amazon is killing it dude knowing that he's missing out on a piece of the action? 

That's a picture of Jeff Bezos's 446 foot yacht so my overwhelming hunch is we're not on the same page about regretting investment decisions. But at the same time we can all agree that it's not a $200 Billion Dollar Guy yacht. Those are wayyyyyy bigger.