Hey You Guuuyyysss! THE GOONIES Turns 35 Today

Man, nothing ruled more than when you saw THE GOONIES at 13. The now-classic Dick Donner-directed kids adventure film also made you envious as hell that you weren't onscreen with them, particularly during that water slide scene. I still remember seeing this with my old man when it came out and being jealous that I wasn't a Goonie.

Written by Chris Columbus from a Steven Spielberg story, there had never before been a movie like THE GOONIES. A hell of a cast played a group of desperate kids trying to find lost treasure to stave off a foreclosure go on an epic series of adventures while being pursued by a murderous trio of mobsters. It had unreal set pieces, fantastic villians played by incredible actors, and such an authentic sense of pure adventure that you couldn't wait to see what happened next. Oh and it had a...unique character played by a former Oakland Raider.

Simply put, there will never be another THE GOONIES. Even if those greedy Hollywood fucks eventually try to force a shitty, inferior remake down our gullets yet again. 

*The Superman t-shirt on Sloth was a nod to Donner's 1978 comic book blockbuster. 

*Hearing 'One-Eyed Willy' will always make me giggle a little inside.

*Probably no way a movie names a fat kid "Chunk" today. "Data" probably doesn't fly either. And "Sloth" might need a new angle as well. 

*Man, the '80s were fucking wild. In one of the weirdest corporate triumvirates the world had even seen, the movie industry, the music industry, and the...wrestling industry (!!!) all got together in some crazy, entertaining stew buoyed by the legendary Cyndi Lauper. 

*I mean, watch the shit again. That was definitely the rare, 1980s coke-fueled idea that hit the jackpot.

*RIP to those WWF legends. But just remember that The Fabulous Moolah was somehow even meaner than she looked

*After the success of THE GOONIES, if you posted odds on which Goonie would be a huge star in 35 years, Corey Feldman would've been the chalk. He was just getting warmed up and practically steals the movie with his wise-ass charm. Sean Astin, who has Hollywood lineage and was the de facto lead Goonie, would've been next. Marha Plimpton showed off cynical chops that pre-dated the era of irony and you knew that she'd be around for awhile. But nobody predicted that the typical dickhead older brother would go on to superstardom. It's not that Josh Brolin wasn't good. But huge success didn't come easy to him. It wasn't until his tremendous performance as Llewelyn Moss in the Coens' 2007 masterpiece NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN that the world became aware he could carry a movie. Over the ensuing decade-plus, he starred in a slew of hits culminating in his motion-captured performance as the biggest bad guy that the twenty-teens produced. 

*Contrary to popular belief (and I might've added to the lie), the pirate ship scene was not filmed at Disneyland. It was a specially built set for the film. 

*Shout-out to Joey Pants for still getting it done all these years later.

*Anne Ramsey, whose Ma Fratelli was scary as hell, earned an Oscar nom for Best Supporting Actress in THROW MOMMA FROM THE TRAIN two years later. The lady did "mean" excellently. Sadly, she would be dead just a few months after the Oscars from cancer at just 59.

*That pirate ship ending still rules.