Ya Know Why 2020 SUCKS? We Now Have Zombie Fires. Yup, Zombie Fires


Zombie fires -- blazes that have smoldered underground in the Arctic after last year's fire season -- have erupted above the surface in Alaska, Canada, Greenland and Russia, threatening the burn thousands of acres this season, scientists said.

An unusually warm and dry season in the Arctic last summer helped spark wildfires from Alaska to Siberia. Some 3,000 wildfires were reported in Canada along in 2019.

It's always cliche to say that [insert X year] sucks, but holy shit does 2020 suck. Name one single good thing about it... you literally cannot. I'm sorry for falling victim to the common cliche, but there's just no other way to describe this year.  IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER (I think) AND OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD WE'VE HAD... 

-a global pandemic

-Australian Fires

-The death of Kobe BryanT 

-Airline "crash" in Iran 

-Murder hornets 

-Police Brutality 


and now.... zombie fires!!! I'm sure I'm missing a LOT, too. And yes, I'm asking the exact same thing you are.  

Just what the doctor ordered.  It's basically the goddamn apocalypse. Andy Milonakis had the right idea:

That fat MTV idiot hit the nail on the head. This place sucks right now and now we're adding some bullshit called "zombie fires" to the mix. Now what's a zombie fire? I have no fucking clue. But it sounds ominous. Let's consult the YouTube machine:

Okay so they're way up in the Tundra of northern Canada right now. But would it shock anyone if as soon as these riots die down, Coronavirus becomes extinct and baseball returns that Zombie fires swallow Sox Park, Wrigley and Chicago itself whole? I wouldn't. I'm not counting ANYTHING out at this point, especially zombie fires. 

I got my eye on you, you sneaky buttholes. Only question is what comes after the zombie fires? Nuclear holocaust? Armageddon?  Who the fuck even knows at this point. All I know is everything is on the table and it's a goddamn shame. Right in heart of the White Sox World Series window too. Smh