One thing that's easy for guys to miss about being young and hate about getting old is that you no longer have these kinds of arguments with your boys. The crew fades away. Somebody moves to Denver while another guy gets married. Someone else questionably buys a house in the suburbs while maybe another heads up to Milwaukee because his girlfriend went to Marquette and Marquette people always come back home. Whatever the case is, you know that over time the group of guys you bond with through young adulthood starts to thin out of it. And with it goes all the times you scream in each other's faces over shit like vita-mixing ketchup or the effectiveness of bowl-resin. It's a goddamn tragedy, but also a critical stage in the Circle of Life.
That's why I enjoy my job so much. One second we're reviewing movies that debuted in theaters 10+ year ago. The next we're at each other's throats over the difference between a Food Truck or a Taco Van. Assault threats loom over a punt pass and kick contest while Eddie sharpens another dagger over the classification of Burrata as a "1st Round" summer food. Regardless of the circumstances, our ability to drum up meaningless controversy knows no bounds and I wouldn't have it any other way. Like I said it's a testament to the bonds forged by men. Anyone with a decent group of guy friends knows where I'm coming from here.
As for the ketchup argument itself, you have to be some kind of moron to think a single tomato in a single blender is enough to yield a single serving of heavily-glossed Heinz 57. Anyone who survived the early 2000's war on nutrition labels knows how reliant ketchup is on High Fructose Corn Syrup. Turns out that shit actually can be addictive so once again shoutout to Chicago for punting on ketchup long before this scandal arose.
Added benefit is we'll never find ourselves in such a completely stupid argument. Ergo, I'm awarding a Judge's Decision to the other guy for finding ketchup to be a more complicated, nuanced recipe.
Other Guy wins
Congrats Other Guy