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Wrestling #Pickem??? This Has Gone Too Far

I mean I've dipped my toes in the #pickem water, it's true. But with wrestling wrasslin??? Different monster. A new challenge altogether. I accept.

Pick your Survivor Series Team for $15

Ric Flair $5 (Remaining: $10)

This was a tough call but it was really only between Flair, The Rock, and Stone Cold for me. Hogan gets no love over here brother and I was already out of wrestling by the time Cena came around. Ultimately, I went with the Nature Boy. Give me the guy that Pro Wrestling Illustrated (the most important journalism of my lifetime, by far) voted Wrestler of the Year six different times. Nobody else has more than three. The Wrestling Observer Newsletter (the second most important journalism of my lifetime) awarded Flair the Wrestler of the Year award eight times before eventually naming it after him. Also, I need a leader of men and there are few better at rallying the troops:

Nobody but NOBODY could talk that shit like Flair.

Shawn Michaels $4 (Remaining: $6)

Color me shocked that the Heartbreak Kid didn't make the $5 line. I'll gladly snap up HBK to be my 1b to Flair's 1a. You wanna see those leather zebra-print chaps shaking and the heel of his boot flying at your pearly whites?? Not me!!! 

Also, I've got some ELITE entrance music on my side here. What a bummer it must have been writing this song in 1896 and not having a Ric Flair to play it for until several decades later:

And of course, everyone knows the HBK music. (Oh! Oh! Shawn!) THEY THINK I'M CUTE, THEY KNOW I'M SEXYYYYYYYYYYY

Andre the Giant $3 (Remaining: $3)

You gotta have some size on your team for the Hogans/Undertakers/Mysterio Jrs of the wrestling world so I'm going with a literal giant. A literal giant that didn't lose a WWF match for 13 years. I'm imagining Andre just crushing beers by the dozen while waiting for Flair and HBK to give him the word to come wreck shit. Also, I want his comedic timing on my side. Imagine being on the other side of this:

Right now, I'm content to go with my trio of Flair/HBK/Andre the Giant and keep my $3 but I will abide by the rules. This time.

Bret Hart $2 (Remaining: $1)

Are you kidding me? The Hitman for $2?? Whoever made this list has never been put in a sharpshooter by an older uncle/cousin/brother and it shows. 

And what a loogie he put on Michaels there. I don't know how many times they had to practice that but credit to HBK for staying in character here. Undertaker never knew what hit him.

Or maybe he did. It was a steel chair.

Booker T $1 (Remaining: $0)

This was my toughest choice since the $5 guys. The choice was between Booker T, Mick Foley, and Kevin Nash. I do not know the other two gentlemen and thus they were not considered. I like Cactus Jack as much as the next man, but I love Mankind so I can't go against my heart here. If Foley was Mankind here, it would be an easy choice. But if he was Mankind, he'd be on the $9 row and not in the bargain bin as Cactus Jack. A shame.

Almost went with Big Sexy but I want a well-rounded team, and I've got my size covered with ATG. I'm going with Booker T, a steal for $1 in his own right. There are four men in the WWE Hall-of-Fame twice (inducted solo and as a tag team) and all of them are on this team: Flair, Michaels, Hart, T. He won the heavyweight belt and tag team belts in each the WCW and WWF. He's a Triple Crown champion, a Grand Slam champion, and a King of the Ring champ. A viewer poll voted him the best WWE World Heavyweight Champion ever. I say all that to say this: He should cost a lot more than a fucking dollar. His loss is my gain. And with all that's on his resume, him telling Michael Cole he had a dream that he died might just be his best non-Hulk Hogan promo related work:

Ric Flair- Shawn Michaels- Andre the Giant- Bret Hart- Booker T

Who you got?