Florida Man Friday: Naked Front Yard Tussle Ends in a Shocking Manner

Getting arrested on Memorial Day is a time-honored tradition.  One that takes dedication, poise, and a feeling of self-righteousness to achieve.  In Florida however, a Memorial Day arrest is as common as a face tattoo down there, and candidates for the title of Florida Man aren't judged by what they do, but rather, how they do it.  

Isaiah Valez reached that coveted status of Florida Man earlier this week when police arrested him on the street outside his neighbor's home, just after 2 AM Monday morning.  

Hillsborough County Sheriffs responded to a call from other neighbors that Valez was acting manic and had reportedly bit one neighbor's ear (s/o Mike Tyson) and was trying to stab him with glass.  The neighbor was over the age of 65, which tacked on an extra charge in the end.  

When police arrived, Valez was roaming the streets fully naked and not responsive to police orders.  Once police approached Valez, the meth kicked in again and Valez turned violent.  With fists and a dick flailing in the early morning breeze, officers were left with no choice but to subdue Valez.  Officers deployed their tasers taking Valez to the ground with minor injuries and arrested him promptly after he received medical attention.   

“This suspect refused to obey the verbal commands from our deputies,” ... “This is the kind of situation our deputies face daily when protecting the citizens of Hillsborough County. I want to thank these deputies for remaining calm in a difficult situation like this one. This man faces numerous felony charges and remains in jail at this time.” said Sheriff Chad Chronister.  

First off... "daily" ?!? I mean, I know it's Florida, but these guys having to take down dick swinging Mike Tyson on a daily basis just sounds like the worst job ever.  I'm sure it produces some of the best bodycam footage though.  

Second... If you're up against a naked man on meth, I don't care who you are, but without tasers or a gun, you lose that battle.  You lose that battle nine times out of ten.  

Valez was brought up on charges of Aggravated Assault with a Deadly Weapon, Resisting an Officer with Violence, Grand Theft Motor Vehicle, Lewd and Lascivious Behavior, and Battery.  He's been given a fresh set of threads as he awaits trial in the Hillsborough County jail.  

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