Swiss Brothels Will Re-Open After Workers Draw Up a List of 'Safe' Positions

Source - Swiss brothels have been given the green light to open on June 6 as the country exits lockdown, with strict health rules including keeping your faces 'one forearm length apart' during sex. 

Doggy style and reverse cowgirl positions are among those which would comply with the new rule - but threesomes are out and 'anal practices' will require gloves. 

Anonymity is also a thing of the past, because clients' personal details will have to be kept for four weeks in case they are needed for contact tracing. 

Rules drawn up by a sex workers' group also call for masks to be worn if possible and bed sheets to be washed after each client departs to stop the spread of coronavirus.

Prostitution has been legal in Switzerland since 1942 and industry group ProKoRe has been lobbying the government to let it restart as soon as possible.  ...

'During sex, positions should be used in which the transmission of droplets is low,' the guidelines say, referring to the small particles thought to spread the virus.  

There's a line in the movie "The Third Man" where Orson Welles says, "In Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love - they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock." Well, that is selling the Swiss short. Because this deal the brothel ladies came up with is as ingenious and inventive as anything any of the artists with Ninja Turtle name ever created. 

Let this be a lesson to all of us over here. Stopping the spread of the virus is a challenge, not an impossibility. Inventive people on the front lines with bright minds and a little ingenuity can find real solutions. I'm actually embarrassed to read about how Major League Baseball and the Players Association are using this time to fight and do permanent damage to the game when these Swiss bordello workers are rolling up their G-strings and solving problems. 

OK, sure, sacrifices must be made. If you're a guy who prefers his paid-for sex with close facial contact and small particles being exchanged, you'll be disappointed. If you're predisposed to threesomes and ungloved butt play, there'll be adjustments ahead for you. And if you happen to be the kind of client who'd rather not have the brothel of your choice know who you are and have all your contact info on record, then this will be a tough transition to be sure.

But at least it's something. Doggy and Reverse Cowgirl might not be every customer's cup of tea, but it's better than no sex at all. Or sex with your significant other, god forbid. So kudos to these clever, innovative sex workers for saving the industry that's been a proud tradition since the days everyone in Europe was fighting the Nazis except the Swiss. It's good to know they put all that brotherly love, democracy, peace and neutrality to good use for the rest of us.