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Oh Cool, I'm About To Be Swole And I Don't Even Have To Do Anything Different

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WaPo - Yesterday, Taco Bell announced that it will be beefing up its menu—quite literally—by launching a new menu centered around meat and protein. The new menu, which, as the Mexican fast food chain explained in a statement, is “the next evolution of its Cantina Bell menu,” will be called the Cantina Power Menu, and will feature food items with double portions of meat and more than 20 grams of protein. Essentially, it’s Taco Bell’s bet that Americans are increasingly interested in protein content, and decreasingly interested in so-called diet foods. “We heard customers requesting a higher protein solution with the flavors Cantina delivers, so here is Cantina Power,” company president Brian Niccol said in a statement. “People are not looking for diet food. They want food that gives them energy,” he said.

 

Like you, I woke up this morning and opened both of my eyes. Unlike you, I was packing on muscle and I didn’t even realize it. That’s what happens when Taco Bell announces they are making a special menu just to get me swole. I don’t have to change anything about my lifestyle and I’ll be looking like the incredible hulk in no time. Just amazing how well things are going for me. I’m on such a life heater I should definitely go buy a few lottery tickets. Nothing can slow me down. Can’t be stopped. Rolling stone catches the worm. Some people have to go to the gym and pick up heavy things and put down heavy things and chug protein shakes and all that other nonsense. Losers. Morons. Idiots. Go to Taco Bell. Eat some burritos. Take a nap. Write a blog. Play with your fiddlestick. Be jacked. That’s how it works, that’s how it goes, that’s why ooops, a blogger just stole your girl again.