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Grading The Classroom Responsibilities You Had In School

I was wiping down my counter top and oven top after dinner the other night. Instantly I was flashed back to being in grade school and having the responsibility of the week be to fuckin' wash the cafeteria tables after lunch. 

Always tried to go with the complete wipe-off but majority of the time my Catholic school lunch monitors would get on me about wiping all the food debris of 70+ 11 year old kids INTO your hand THEN dump them into the trash. 

No thanks. 

So let's start right there. 

Table Washer: D+

  • On top of the "disgusting act" (Joe Buck voice) of having to wipe the food into your hand, you also had to get up early from the table and miss out on the precious last few minutes of lunch. After 5th grade this was your only recess and it's getting cut short because of some bullshit assignment you got dealt for the week. The only remotely close positive out of this situation is while you had to get up from the table early, that also meant you got to be a tad late getting back to class. How late? Just depended on how creative you got. 

Attendance Taker: F

  • This is actually worse than table washer believe it or not. There is no redeeming quality for attendance taker. What you get to stand up? You're 10 years old not fuckin 60. Don't need to stretch the legs. Plus if you even remotely screw up then it falls back on the teacher which would fall back on you. 

Paper Collector: C+

  • The paper collector kind of becomes the "Wiseguy" of the classroom imo. He can take care of his buddies by walking by and maybe giving them an answer they desperately need, some time to finish the last few questions they forgot to do, or maybe send a message to the jagoff that you don't like by collecting his paper first. When you're old enough this could be primetime way in to flirt with a girl, too. 

Line Leader: D+

  • Stand right behind the teacher while your buddies are dicking around in the back of the line? Yeah sounds good. 

The only good thing that could come out of this is maybe earning some brownie points with the teacher so your conduct grade doesn't get shit all over, and you're first in line at lunch - which should probably account for a higher grade, but that's only one time a day of something good coming out of this position. All the jackassery goes on in the back of the line. 

Line Ender: A-

  • I didn't even think this was a position? Put me the farthest away from the teacher with their back turned to me majority of the time? Hell yeah. This only becomes a problem though when teachers start going in line alphabetically. Then you're just stuck with who you're stuck with back there. Still, you'd rather be farthest away from Mrs. Collins with someone who isn't your friend than standing right behind her. 

Flag Holder For Pledge: F

  • Standing up in front of the entire class with all of them staring through your soul? What a fuckin' nightmare for a kid in elementary / middle school. I can feel my pits start sweating just thinking about it - and I don't mind speaking in front of people. But you're not speaking. You're just standing there. And it's always in the morning so you know what that means at a certain age - battle against the boner. 

Trash Monitor: B

  • Yes, you have to battle against some gross shit with the trash, BUT that means you usually get to take that trash to the dumpster or the bigger trash cans in the hallways. It can turn into a free for all on a Thursday or Friday, and if you play it right, a 5 minutes trip can turn into a 20 minute one. 

Errand Runner: A+

  • No way that this position should have even existed, but can't blame teachers for not having to run down to the office to take a paper slip or get more paper towels from the teacher's lounge. Getting to run an "errand" without trash in your hand felt so liberating just to get out of the classroom. You cherished it. Until you got caught flipping off your buddy sitting in another classroom.