What the Fuck is This in My Mouth

I’m sure this blog is going to freak people out but I don’t give a shit. I got a fucking problem. I got this thing growing in my mouth. I don’t know what the hell it is. It appeared out of nowhere a couple weeks ago. I thought it had something to do with the fact I had a cold and would just go away when my cold did, but the thing is relentless. The First Lady nicknamed it “the alien”. At first I kind of thought it was funny. Like hey look at me. I got an alien in my mouth. But now it’s just a pain in the ass. It doesn’t really hurt or anything, but who wants a ball of mouth in your mouth? That shit is for suckers. I haven’t gone to a dentist or a doctor since I started the Stool, but I think I got to go get this shit cut off or something. Has anybody ever had an alien before? There is a part of me that thinks I’m about to die. I hope not. That would suck balls.

Oh and in other news I took a misbite eating smartfood last week and my jaw has hurt ever since. It’s like my jaw is misaligned or something now.   It’s even causing my ear to start hurting.  I’m telling you I’m falling apart at the seams over here. Is this what happens when you turn 33?  Buy a shirt.