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North Korea Announces Kim Jong-Un Cannot Bend Time and Space and Now I Can't Trust Anything Anymore

Source - Kim Jong Un can’t magically bend space and time after all, according to North Korea’s official newspaper.

The Rodong Sinmun this week denied that the Kim family are masters of “chukjibeop,” a method of folding space to cover great distances in a short period of time, according to the UK’s Telegraph.

Chukjibeop is one of the myths that the Hermit Kingdom has used to deify the reclusive dictator and former leader Kim Jong Il to tout their supposed mystical powers.

“In realistic terms, a person cannot suddenly disappear and reappear by folding space,” the news outlet finally admitted.

An official at South Korea’s unification ministry said Thursday that the rogue regime’s path of demystification is “noteworthy,” the Telegraph reported.

I have just the vaguest recollection of a time when 2020 wasn't kicking us in the nads with steel-toed boots, but somehow, miraculously, it keeps finding new ways to kick harder. 

As long time fans of the chukjibeop powers of the Kim family, this is a bitter pill to swallow. And for the life of me, I don't know why the announcement had to come now, at a time when we're looking for hope. I took comfort in the belief that Dear Leader could go full Doctor Strange any time he felt like it, and he didn't need the Eye of Agomoto do to it. It's just in the family bloodlines. And that when he wasn't cutting the ribbon on a new fertilizer factory or designing new ways to crush dissent, he was going back to the Big Bang. Or jumping forward in time to the year 10 to the 38th power, when all the protons in the universe will disintegrate into a fine spray of elemental particles. Or maybe 10 to the 68th power when all the black holes and other such macroscopic phenomena will have irradiated all their materials and the basic elements of the universe will cease to exist. Or maybe even bend spacetime back to that day he met Dennis Rodman. 

But now we find out, what? He's just a man? That the laws of time and relatively apply to him just like they do to me and you? So what, they've been lying to us all this time? I'm going to try to not let this destroy my faith in news out of the Hermit Kingdom. Or allow myself to think they were lying when they said his dad had composed a hundred operas and once shot a 54 under par 18 for 18 holes of golf. But in the future, I'd appreciate it if they'd just leave my belief system alone and stop turning my heroes into mere mortals, thanks.