The Barstool Sportsbook is LiveDownload and Play in PA Now

Alabama A&M Security Getting Mace Certified Is Unintentionally Hilarious

I always knew you had to get sprayed in the face in order to be able to spray others in the face. Which seems fair. Same with tasers. You wanna shock or mace someone you get it done to you so you know how much it sucks and will use it hopefully as a last resort rather than have a quick trigger. What I didn't know with mace was that you had to go through some sort of makeshift obstacle course AFTER getting sprayed in order to earn your certification. And above were three prime examples of how certain humans handle adversity much better than others. First dude feels like the standard. Hurts, disorients, but it's manageable. Certainly manageable enough to yell "STOP RESISTING" while winding up for your first punch. Imagine that dude trying to knee an unruly Aaron Donald to the ground. Good luck, pal. Second dude probably should never be in a position of authority anywhere for any reason. Zero drive to get through the pain. Refused to open his eyes. Punched the man holding the pad instead of the extremely large pad. Pulled an imaginary gun on someone not even participating in the exercise. Spit in the instructors face while swearing. Tremendous knee delivery, though. Future UFC fighter? Potentially. Secret service? Let's hope not. 

Last dude was just a tank. They poked the bear with that mace and in retaliation he tore through that course like it was nothing. Punches delivered with reckless abandon, hit the first dude with a swim move I haven't seen since Jason Taylor retired. Precision knees, prompt arrest, stormed off the field like he just made the game-ending strip sack. And that was all after he got punched in the gut by the second guy. I don't know if they do extra credit in security school but he deserves it. Let him twirl a baton like an old Irish street cop or something special for his troubles.