Tough weekend ahead.
Yes, it's still Memorial Day, but in Indiana it's not going to be the same without our beloved 500 being raced on the Sunday of the holiday weekend.
So I wanted to give us a bit of a taste of The Greatest Spectacle In Racing even though the engines won't be revving at IMS. I crowd sourced the internet for some of their best Indy 500 stories throughout the years, and they didn't disappoint.
It was roughly 12pm, the sun was beating, and we were sweating out the liquid as fast as we could drink it. We had opted to go with the vip wrist bands, so we would have shorter lines at the bar and our own port-o-potties.
And it was time to drain the lizard, my buddy Dillion had the same urge so we stumble our way to the vip area to order some drinks, because no sane person would go into a port-o-potty without a jack and coke. Then made our way to the restroom. I had finished before my buddy and I was waiting outside for him when a substantial amount of ruckus started coming from his port-o-potty and before I know it he comes failing out, pants around his ankles, and hits the ground, dick out and everything. But like the absolute magician this man is, he somehow managed to not spill his drink. The entire crowd around us erupted into a cheer and everyone and everyone was giving him high fives and props for not spilling his drink.
So We get back to our friend group and I’m still trying to catch my breathe from laughing so hard. that same buddy (who fell out of said port-o-potty) saw another one of our friends with a bottle of what he thought was water. So he snatched it from him thinking he was going to get hydrated, tilted it back full waterfall style, got it all over his face, eyes, and in his mouth, just to come the the realization it wasn’t water in the bottle at all. It was Rumple minze.
We finished the day with all 25 of us either sleeping or throwing up on the bus ride home.
Was a very successful 1st snakepit.
Not throwing up after that - very impressive. Especially for the 1st Snake Pit appearance. Next one not so much:
My best Indy 500 story happened the summer going into my sophomore year of high school. I was a skinny awkward kid who had never really hammered before. So in my young mind I thought there was no better time to do this than at one of the largest gatherings in the world. That was a mistake. My buddy and I put cheap vodka into Gatorade bottles which was mistake #1 (among many) so we had no idea how much we were drinking (the vodka still tasted terribly). We probably hadn’t been there for more than 45 minutes before I start puking inside the Snakepit. Long story short, I had to be ambulanced out of there. They had to make sure I didn’t get any puke in my lungs, but I made it through.
Parents obviously weren’t happy with me. Got grounded til July (not fun). Still was able to go the next year and had to be the DD for my friends. Still haven’t tasted Kamchatka since. Learned my lesson to never be one of the drunkest people at the largest sporting event in the world.
"(among many)". Cheap vodka when it's 92 degrees amongst a mass of other degenerates for the weekend is never a good call, but in some ways it's a right of passage for the 500 spectator.
The Indy 500 story that stands out most to me was the 100th running. Started out the day by getting to the Coke Lot around 5 a.m. By the time everyone is ready to head into the Snake Pit, I had already killed about 20 Budweiser tall boys. My buddy and I eventually fought our way to the front of the Snake Pit. The close quarters sent me into a drunken rage where I started shoving the people around me. Got spotted by security, they pull me out and make me go to a drunk tent where they put big Xs on my hands. After I was released, I drunkenly made my way back to the front where they unfortunately kicked me out again and made me leave the Snake Pit altogether. My drunk brain then decided I was going to try to walk back to my car and sleep it off. Unfortunately I walked about 2 miles in the wrong direction in my blackout state. Got to the point where I couldn’t go any further and passed out in a random grass field. Woke up to a bunch of cops and paramedics messing with me. Still so drunk I couldn’t stand and they were going to try to take me to the hospital. Luckily they called up my roommate and he ran to come find me and saved the day/prevented them from taking me to a hospital or jail.
It's amazing how much on any other day the Snake Pit is an absolute nightmare for majority of humans, but for race day it's an island of paradise that you never want to leave - even if you got kicked out already and have completely no idea where you are.
Josh" woke up on Legends Day to start drinking at 4 AM. Once the rainstorm came, it washed away all morals with it. Josh proceeded to get slapped by a female for table topping her boyfriend (HA, got em.) He then managed to guzzle handles of Bacardi to "stay warm" in the rain. This eventually led to Josh passing out under a canopy, draped over a cooler, at a random family's campsite half a mile away. After his friend managed to locate him via Find My Friends, they walked him back to the car to take him home. After violently ejecting his entire digestive tract out of his mouth, he found the love of his life, who proceeded to tongue wrestle him immediately after on the ride home. Once home, Josh fought off chairs and shoes being thrown at him as the two consensually engaged in mediocre sex. In the morning, Josh came to find that the love of his life was certainly…not the love of his life. Yikes. After realizing this, he of course had to walk around the entire house, buck naked, condom hanging off his flaccid meat noodle, waking everyone up for the interrogation as to who allowed it to happen. Then the rest is history.
May not have been the love of his life but she's a trooper for kissin that mouth after I'm sure he projectile vomited everywhere. Classic drinking booze to stay warm - a tale as old as time.
I tend to stay Sunday nights in the Coke Lot because we’re responsible (sort of) and just continue drinking and pack up Monday and leave. Now 2017, if you remember, had a nasty downpour about an hour after the race. Everyone bolted and those who didn’t were stuck in a war zone. RVs were stuck, a lot of the field was unwalkable, etc etc. so around 9 or so when it got dark out we see a big fire on the north end of the lot. We figured someone made a bonfire. We were right, someone did make a bonfire. Only thing was it was out of a row of porta potties. A row of hot plastic and human waste up in flames. A perfect ending to the weekend.
Perfect example of absolutely no rules happening - especially in the coke lot - for that weekend. A lot of symbolism there as the lot ended up being a literal dumpster fire.
So my buddy’s dad won an auction for the 500. 4 of us 30 yr olds are flying in a 14 passenger private jet to Indy from Des Moines. We try getting a case of beer for the flight but it was to early so we tell the pilot our plight and he makes up for it. We have a easy flight and land and deplane and walk 20 yards and board a helicopter to the infield. We get out looking like a fucking boy band except no one has a clue who the hell we are. We get wisked to the Penske pits on a golf cart and proceed get absolutely bombed. Same set up on the way out afterwards. We get to the plane and Indiana has a rule of not selling booze on Sunday so our pilot traded another plane while we at the race and we hammered bud lights on the return on. Best day ever.
Wow. That's heaven. Just call it after that. This would be the football equivalent of getting a police escort directly onto the field for the Super Bowl then watching in some celebrity box right at the 50 yard line with free booze throughout and getting to go to the after party with the team. Half the battle with the 500 is having to deal with the 300,000 fellow mostly intoxicated humans. No traffic. No trouble. Unreal.
Turn 3 in the infield summed up in one picture.
Back in 2018, myself and a group of my friends from Pittsburgh decided to venture out to the Indy 500 for the first time and did we have the experience of a lifetime. We arrived at the Coke Lot right on Thursday morning and immediately fell in love with the wasteland that the Coke Lot was. The first day lived up to the hype with beers being crushed till late in the night. Friday came and was off to a hot start until a turn for the worst occurred. It was about 2:00 PM and I was blacked out sleeping under my truck when my friend wakes me up screaming "Get the fuck up we got a problem." I crawl from underneath the truck to our camp site being surrounded by about 15 Indiana State Police and 3 K-9 dog's. I soon find out that the guys in the camp next to us where being drunk assholes to the police, while having a very large amount of weed in plain view. The police decided to search his truck and he said that it was the black F-150. Against all the odds in the world my one buddy drove a black F-150 and police mistakenly searched his truck. To their surprise, the police found an 8 ball of coke inside his center console. My friend was crying thinking that he was going to be spending some time in the slammer. At the same time we realized we had over an ounce of weed in my truck. My third buddy became the hero that we needed during this trying time and shoved the bag of weed down his pants and sprinted across the coke lot in order to dump it in another Porta Potty. Needless to say, due to the policemen's stupidity we got off clean since they illegally searched our vehicle. We continued to enjoy the rest of our weekend in Indianapolis and had the time of our life. Oh and also, my friend went to the Porta Potty about 10 hours later to see if he could savage any weed that he dumped. The Coke Lot never disappoints and can't wait to return once again.
It all started when I took a little took much adderall and was raging race in the pit when I get a sudden wave of horny Across my body. I grab the first tall man I saw and said “wanna hookup”. Took him to the handicap porta potty And let him hit from behind only to realize the door was not properly locked. Some lady opened the door and yelled at us because we were taking to long. I politely put up the one moment finger and reached over closed the door. Once we were all done we went on our way and I never saw him again…until I did see him again in the fall while he was on ESPN playing football for a BIG10 school.
Sometimes cutting through all the small talk bullshit is the best approach. Definitely an IU player with a lion tattoo on his shoulder I'm sure.
1) a man walking a dead rat on a leash and introducing it to people as “his dog lucky”
2) one man passed out face down in a retention ditch filled with empty beer cans and god knows what liquids flowing, as another gentleman urinates on him from the top of the ditch.
I'd say that the dude pissing on the other gentleman didn't know where or who his flow was landing on, but you never can tell that weekend.
I got a bunch of different other ones, and believe it or not, the ones that weren't included in this were because I felt like they were just too fucked up.
But I hope everyone gets their party on this weekend, whips out the jorts, replays some old 500's, and has a great time in honor of what we would usually be doing in Speedway this weekend.
See you in August, IMS.