The Only Good Thing About The Tour De France Is When They Eat Shit

There’s literally nothing else even remotely likable about the Tour de France. It’s a bunch of dopes riding bikes in France. My favorite is when it’s like 50 of them all in a cluster and then one guy sneezes and the rest of the croutons fall down like dominos. It’s too bad they don’t fall off the mountains. And remember when they decided to call Lance Armstrong out for being an asshole cheater, and they couldn’t figure out anyone who didn’t cheat, so they ended up giving the Tour de France victory to the the guy who finished 32nd? That’s bike riding. That’s where we’re at. And apparently a bunch of idiots decided to ride their bikes through mountains again this year, but that one guy forgot to pay attention to you know, the road turning so he kept going straight and ate a pile of cow turds. Instead of giving medals for finishing 1st, they should give medals for best crash. Give people any reason to care about the tour de france. A sliver of a reason.