So Chapsy blogged this incredible video earlier today and after watching Dusty Rhodes unveiling the most beautiful jump shot in the world, I had to fill out my roster of old school wrestlers. We'll say wrestlers that started wrestling before the year 2000 are eligible to limit things a bit easier to figure out.
Point Guard: Dink
I know Dink presents a clear size disadvantage on defense. But you can't tell me a guy with that type of speed wouldn't be a nightmare to defend or worry about in a press. Yeah, we're a pressing team because Dink was around during the 40 Minutes Of Hell Razorback teams. Got a problem with it? I bet you do because Dink is LIVING in your kitchen. I have size at all the other positions, so we would have no problem dealing with Dink's height.
Also it has to be said. Doink was such a motherfucker. I haaaaaaated Doink.
Shooting Guard: Bret "The Hitman" Hart
Give me the guy known as The Excellence of Execution with a finishing move known as The Sharpshooter at the 2 spot. I feel like shooting guard is where many of the more eccentric players play on a basketball team. Which is why I thought of guys like Ric Flair and Shawn Michaels here. But instead I'll take a guy that wore shades before every match but also gave them away to a different kid before getting in the ring and was the champion of the world multiple times, even if calling himself The Best There Is, The Best There Was, And The Bets There Ever Will Be could lead to friction in the locker room.
Also gotta shout out this classic Barstool video of Portnoy and Big Cat dressed up as The Hart Foundation at WrestleMania back in the day.
Small Forward: The Rock
Give me the ultimate Alpha that was athletic enough to play football at The U back in its glory days as my swingman. The Rock is successful at everything he does, so there's no doubt in my mind he'd be a stud on the hardwood. He even dressed like an asshole decades before Russell Westbrook made it cool.
Power Forward: Dusty Rhodes
Did you see the video above? The whole reason for this blog is Dusty's jumper being wetter than Stone Cold after he drinks a dozen or so Steveweisers in the ring.
Dusty is the perfect Stretch 4 in today's game but could also throw his weight around as an enforcer under the boards. Pretty much a heftier 2020 version of Charles Oakley, who was lethal from 18 feet out.
Center: Kevin Nash
I know some people would avoid a prototypical big man in today's game. But I am zagging where everyone else is zigging. Kevin Nash not only played college hoops at Tennessee but was a lefty big with a beautiful fro, which pretty much makes him unguardable in my eyes.
Put a guy like that in a small ball world and you have yourself pretty much Prime Shaq on the block.
6th Man: The Godfather
Tall as hell? CHECK
Underratedly athletic? CHECK
Has the contacts to make sure everyone's loose and having fun off the court? BIIIIIG CHECK
Absolute no brainer. Throw in The Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase as owner and Bobby The Brain Heenan as coach and the 2016 Warriors record may be under attack, except this team isn't blowing a 3-1 lead to anybody in The Finals.