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If You Are Wanted By The Police, You Probably Shouldn't Make a Shitty Redskins Joke In The Newspaper And Allow Them To Use Your Name and Face

Jacob-Close-criminal

 

LBS - If you have a warrant out for your arrest and are trying to avoid law enforcement, you definitely should not answer a question for a newspaper’s opinion column and agree to allow the paper to run your photograph. Jacob Close, a 25-year-old Bloomsburg (Penn.) University student, learned that the hard way over the weekend. Close offered his opinion about a question related to the Washington Redskins name debate in the Bloomsburg Press Enterprise on June 30. He gave the following sarcastic thought in the publication’s weekly “Your Opinion” feature. “I think they should keep the same name, but change the mascot to a potato.” Close’s answer was pretty clever, but he should have saved some of that wit to help keep him out of jail. As it turns out, police have been looking for Close after he jumped bail in a drug and drunken driving case in Ithaca, New York years ago. Ithaca City Police were notified of his warrant in late May and had been looking for him for over a month.

 

Ok fine, drinking and driving, whatever. The real crime here is that god damn terrible horrible cringeworthy “change the mascot to a potato” joke. It’s not even a joke. It’s literally the least funny thing ever. And I mean literally in the literal definition of the word, not the way chicks say it. The first time someone said the potato thing 5 years ago, people were like, oh yea, I guess it is the name of a potato, that’s sort of interesting. The same beaten down joke, used over and over and over, is not funny. Now people are STILL saying it, and they somehow think it’s funny. It’s the same people who watch 2 Broke Girls and slap their knee until it bruises. It’s more ridiculous that he’d allow a newspaper to show his face and name saying the potato line than that he got in the car after a few wine coolers to drive to Blockbuster. There’s nothing funny about the change the mascot to a potato line, and anyone using it deserves the electric chair and the guillotine all rolled into one.