Would You Rather Your Favorite NFL Team: Be The 55th Team To Win A Super Bowl Or Be The 1st Team To Complete The Bird Gauntlet By Beating Every NFL Bird Team In One Season?
A hellllllll of a reddit post by The_Real_2Pac that is so deep and profound, it must have been written by the real 2Pac. Think about it, for a second. What reddit name would the real Tupac Shakur go by if he was trying to hide on the internet in plain sight? The_Real_2Pac, right?
Okay, now on to much more serious matters, the question I raised. Would you rather your favorite NFL squadron by the 55th team to take home a Super Bowl trophy or be the first to acquire the fabled bird gauntlet?
I know we have been programmed by rangzzzzzzz culture to say that championships trump all. You can be an all-time great, a legend, and a unanimous first ballot Hall of Famer. But by definition, you will never be a Super Bowl champion unless you win the last game of the season. Don't get mad at me. Blame the good folks at Merriam-Webster.
However, the biggest flaw of winning a Super Bowl is just how easy it is to win. Don't believe me? Ask any of Eli Manning's many critics. I have lived through my team winning four Super Bowl championships, with one coming against an 18-0 squad with the best quarterback and coach ever two minutes or one play away from capping off an undefeated season. Unless a strike, a lockout, or (sighhhhh) a pandemic wipes out the Big Game™, one of the 32 NFL teams will end up as Super Bowl champion. It has happened 54 different times, with even the Jets taking home one of those titles!
Meanwhile, it's a miracle even to have a chance to win the Bird Gauntlet. Mathematically speaking, less than half the league even has the privilege to attempt to run the Bird Gauntlet at some point, with the 5 bird teams having a 0.000000000% chance to do it. There has been a lot of ink and cum spilt on this very site about Tom Brady being the GOAT thanks to his 6 Super Bowl rings. But he has not once, not never won the Bird Gauntlet in a single season despite defeating three feathered franchises in the Super Bowl.
Ironically, the man who came closest to doing so was Brady's superior in two Super Bowls and he probably would have done it if Plax shooting himself didn't somehow Butterfly Effect the entire 2008 season and lead to the Eagles making the playoffs, the Giants losing to them, and the Falcons getting beat in the first round by their bird brethren in the Cardinals. I thought I had run out of ways to be depressed about the 2008 Giants wagon falling off track and bursting into flames after providing me with the most fun regular season I have ever lived through. Then I learned how close they were to becoming the only team to run the table and take home the Bird Gauntlet.
I guess the only thing that needs to happen to right the wrongs is for one man to defeat Lamar Jackson, Russell Wilson, Carson Wentz, Kyler Murray, and Matt Ryan in the same season. If only there was a being strong enough to accomplish such a mammoth task.
TL;DR - We need sports to come back. Soon.