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How Does One Go About Getting An Invite To A Secret Club??


A swanky Lower East Side nightclub appears to have violated social-distancing rules and hosted a secret “invite-only” party for affluent insiders, a source claims.

Now I don't know about you guys but I, for one, desperately wish I got an invite to something like this. Maybe not during the middle of a global pandemic where you can get into some serious trouble for being in large groups but in the normal world. How secret can a party be if it's getting published in the fucking New York Post? I'd argue it's not very secret at all.

Omar’s general manager, Ivan Busheski, denied claims that there were any get-togethers being held at the Lower East Side hot spot.

“We have never had any parties there, that’s not possible,” Busheski said.

Mhm. I saw this coming from a mile away…. textbook denial. As soon as you read "a source claims"  in the opening paragraph, you could tell that the rumors of secret meetings were probably true. Only because it was definitely someone who didn't get invited to the secret meeting and was all butthurt about it. Such a narc move but you have no choice but to respect the pettiness of it.

Being a part of a secret society/club has always piqued my interest, ever since I was a little boy. I mean, who doesn't want to be a part of a group that only a few people know about? It might have been started by watching cartoons like Codename: Kids Next Door - a show a bunch of kids who live in a massive treehouse and fight bad guys, unreal cartoon - really made me want to live some sort of double life that I and only a few others know about. Yet here I am, without an invite to any sort of secret clubs whatsoever. Honestly, it's disgusting. I guess that's why they're called secret societies and not let-everyone-in societies but I feel like I fit the bill. 

Is it because I'm too young? Can't be, secret clubs love brainwashing the youth. Is it because I'm not good looking enough? Certainly not, I feel like that actually plays to my advantage. I would probably be the poster child of underground societies with my face. Do I just not meet the criteria? Maybe. Whatever it may be, it seems pretty unfair to me. I'm a cool guy! I'm hip! Just kind of seems like bullshit that I haven't caught an invite to some underground club.

On the other hand - sadly - I feel like almost all of the secret clubs today have far too many ulterior motives (politics, racism, etc.) that would ruin any chance of me joining anyways. Why can't there just be a secret society of people who just like to do nothing all day? Is that too much to ask? I don't get why all the cool underground stuff has to be politically motivated, that shit sucks.

I just want a group of people who secretly meet up and just sit on a couple of couches to do nothing in particular. One day it could be playing Parcheesi, another we could be watching the Shrek trilogy. Just stuff that lets you take a minute and escape from the real world. Now that's a club I wanna get invited to, not some invite-only night club.

PS - please feel free to send me invites to your secret society. I'm not a narc. I swear!