As the good Lord knows, it has been a few decades since I cracked open a Bible for anything outside of the obligatory readings during a wedding. But I'm pretty sure all four horsemen the apocalypse have already shown up in 2020 before we even hit the halfway marker.
Plague is clearly the one living in the headlines these days as the coronavirus continues to run train on our way of life. I don't know if Famine has arrived or is in Triple-A just waiting to get called to The Bigs. But it feels like he will arrive sooner or later as Plague continues fucking up the world's supply chain. War logged onto the chat briefly in January as World War III started trending on Twitter after the US took down an Iranian general. He may not be getting as much digital ink devoted to him now as the entire world deals with Plague, but if I know humanity like I think I do, War will be #back sooner rather than later.
Which takes us to Conquest, who arrived out of the nowhere like the dogs from Resident Evil that still scare me til this day.
CNN- Singapore is trying a new way to get its residents to stay away from each other. On Friday, the government announced it would start deploying Spot, Boston Dynamics' famous yellow and black canine robot, at one local park. The four-legged robot "dog" will patrol the area starting this weekend and broadcast a pre-recorded message to visitors to remind them of the importance of social distancing, authorities said. The device will also be equipped with cameras that will scan the surroundings and help officials estimate the number of people gathering in parks, they said.
I have had my radar up on those dogs ever since they turned our Twitter feeds into something out of a Black Mirror episode. It felt like it was only a matter of time until these futuristic four-legged nightmares arrived in our lives, likely on the front lines as a technological tycoon tried to take over the world.
However, it makes perfect sense for creepy canines to be used at first to help mankind out before inevitably turning on them (Source: Every man vs. machine movie ever). Them showing up during our civilization's darkest hour of the century to tell morons in public they are closer than 6 feet apart makes sense as does what their "masters" say they will do with our data.
"These cameras will not be able to track and/or recognize specific individuals, and no personal data will be collected," the government said in a statement.
Look, you can show me whoever is in charge of these digital monsters dumping hard drives into the trash like Ron Swanson. But I am not going to believe that there isn't some sort of black box or cloud that is storing all of our faces, movements, and tendencies as a supercomputer breaks down game film on humanity like Steve Cheah. Even everything jumping off in a place like Singapore sounds like the beginning of whatever Terminator movie we are on now.
So I'm onto you, Boston Dynamics dogs. There is literally nothing I can do about you guys since mankind appears to be completely fucked for the foreseeable future. But I just want you to know that I'm onto you before you make your big move along with the other 3 horsemen of the apocalypse as you make your move to wipe humans off the map forever.