This Lady Fell In Love With A Tree And Says The Sex Is Amazing

(Source) – After having her heart broken repeatedly, Emma McCabe has finally found love in a tree called Tim. She wants to get married to Tim and she described the sex as amazing. Here is a quote from Emma; “He fulfils my emotional and sexual needs. I orgasm by rubbing against the bark naked. I love the feeling of skin-on-bark contact, which gives me a more pleasurable pain sensation, and the feel of his leaves against my skin makes me tingle. I have sex with him every week — it’s the best I’ve ever had!”

I have 2 concrete reasons to believe that this story is 100% true. 1) If you’ve ever seen an episode of “My Strange Addiction”, you know that the world is filled with some outrageously bizarre creatures. And 2) She’s a girl and girls are fucking weird and crazy. So you can just go ahead and keep those “Jmac’d again” comments in your back pockets.

Now that we’ve got that cleared up, this is some terrible, horrible, no good, very bad news for guys like you and me. I’ve been out here fighting an uphill battle from the very get-go. So far my competition has been dudes who are much better in bed than I am, dildos and lesbians. It’s pretty much a real life David vs. Goliath out there, but even a blind squirrel find a nut once in a while. However, that may no longer be the case anymore and it’s because of this bitch right here. Because now I have to add trees to the list of people/things that can pleasure girls better than I can. Fucking trees. Are you kidding me? How am I supposed to compete with that? I can’t. So it looks like I’ll just be a weeping willow from now on every time last call rolls around. It’s been a good decent run while it lasted.