The Greatest Rant In The History Of Sports Turns 37 Years Old Today And It's Still Absolutely Flawless

I'll tell you one fucking thing. I hope we get fuckin hotter than shit just to stuff it up them three thousand fuckin people that show up every fuckin day. Because if they're the real Chicago fuckin fans, they can kiss my fuckin ass right downtown AND PRINT IT. They're really, really behind you around here my fuckin ass. What the fuck am I supposed to do? Go out there and let my players get destroyed every day and be quiet about it for the nickel and dime people that show up? The motherfuckers don't even work. That's why they're out at the fuckin game. They outta go out and get a fuckin job and find out what it's like to go out and earn a fuckin living. 85 percent of the fuckin world's workin. The other 15 come out here. It's a fuckin playground for the cocksuckers. RIP THEM MOTHERFUCKERS. RIP THEM COCKSUCKERS LIKE THE FUCKIN PLAYERS. Got guys bustin their fuckin ass and them fuckin people boo. And that's the Cubs? My fuckin ass. Talk about the great fuckin support the players get around here. I haven't seen it this fuckin year. 

The name of the game is hit the ball, catch the ball and get the fuckin job done. Right now, we have more losses than we have wins so fuckin changes have happened in the Cubs organization and they're multiple. Alright? They don't show because we're 5-14. And unfortunately that's the criteria of them dumb 15 mother fuckin percent that come out for day baseball. The other 85 percent are earning a living. It will take more than a 5-13 or 5-14 to destroy the makeup of this club. I'll guarantee you that. There's some fuckin pros out there that want to play this fuckin game. They're just stuck in the fuckin stigma of the fuckin Dodgers and the Phillies and the Cardinals and all that cheap shit. All these motherfuckin editorials about the Phillyitis and all that shit. It's sickening. It's unbelievable. It really is. It's a disheartening fuckin situation we're in right now. 5-14 doesn't negate all that work. We got 143 fuckin games left. What I'm trying to say is don't rip them fuckin guys out there. RIP ME. You want to rip somebody, rip my fuckin ass. But don't rip those fuckin guys because they're giving everything they can give. 

Once we hit that fuckin groove, it will flow. And it flow. The talent's there. I don't know how to make it any clearer to you. I'm frustrated. I'll guarantee you I'm frustrated. It would be different if I walked in this room every day at 8:30 and saw a bunch of guys who didn't give a shit. They give a shit and it's a tough National League East. It's a tough National League, period.

There's "Players' Coaches" and then there's Lee Elia and holy mother of god do I want to play for Lee Elia. Just an unbelievable takedown of Wrigley culture across 3 perfectly curated minutes of pure, unadulterated rage. 37 years later and not an ounce of it has diminished over time. It's just as good now as it's ever been, especially in the evolved climate of no one's feelings can ever get hurt. Imagine the conversation Lee Elia wants to have with you after missing the hit & run sign. These are the kind of baseball characters that are near extinct and it kills me to admit it. Everyone wants launch angle and slow motion video and weighted plyo-whatever the fuck you call it. Back then Lee Elia just hit you more groundballs and threw more BP. You hit off a tee and took laps and developed a drinking problem by AA. In the sport they called that Working On Your Fundamentals, and it built character. But more importantly it built loyalty with your manager and coaches that you can't buy in present day. Ejections were better and so were the brawls and drugs but again that was a different day. For now it's important we recognize this rant for what it is: 470 of the best words ever publicly spoken. From one crazy asshole to another, Lee Elia is a legend.