The Barstool Sportsbook Has Arrived In MichiganLearn More

Joe Biden Says We Need More 'Economic Intercourse'

I don't know that anything could ever quite sum up the limits of representative democracy like the fact that, in a nation of 331 million people, the choice for Chief Executive has come down to the guy wanting economic intercourse and the guy suggesting we drink bleach. 

That said, talk like this should put the MAGA/KAG crowd on notice. This is exactly the kind of on-point message that resonates with Joe Sixpack and Jane Soccermom as they sit at that kitchen table every political ad can't shut up about. (For the record, in 26 years, the Irish Rose and I have never had an in-depth discussion at our kitchen table about a topic more serious than whose turn it is to do the dishes. Different strokes, I guess.) It's the sort of cause we can all get behind. The thing that will unite us, not divide us further. 

But we need more than just economic intercourse. We can't just go up to other countries and just go sticking our economy into theirs. There's a subtle dance to this sort of thing. It takes a monetary connection. You need to create a mutual investment interest. There should be slow, gentle, financial foreplay that builds and builds until they are demanding your supply. That's when your stocks straighten out and you start to see growth. Then the other side opens up their markets to you. And before you know it, you're both exchanging goods and services like a couple of young, economic powerhouses. Soon the engine of your industrial strength is unleashed and you're producing at full capacity. Your output meeting their input, from one cycle to the next. Until finally, you achieve an economic boom. That's the moment when your biggest worry is overheating and out of control inflation. Then you can actually afford a little recession for a while. And you rest for a while before you go back to full employment and do it again.

So let this be a lesson to the Trump campaign. This is the kind of talk people want to hear when you're out polling the electorate. Save the bleach talk for late '80s indie punk novelty bands.