The Barstool Sportsbook is LiveDownload and Play in PA Now

EVERYTHING STINKS! Dutch Mink Farms Are Now Coated With Coronavirus

Fuckin A, man. Fuckin A. Anyone who has known me for longer than a few days knows that I love minks. They are so fucking cute and they remind me of a time where I was younger. My mom got a mink coat when we lived in Italy. I was about 3 years old and my parents bought it while my dad was stationed overseas. My mom wore that thing any chance she got. The only time she really got that chance was at church during the harsh winters in Northern Florida. We would go to Sunday School and then on to the donut session between Sunday school and big church. My mom would be strutting about in her mink coat like the lord and everybody didn't witness her extravagance which was at such a level that longtime Stoolie Pontius Pilate would even grimace at the audacity. But, her hair was teased and so were her haters while she donned that coat. (donned and dawned are two underrated and largely-ignored homophones.)

Now, for those who may have forgotten, Pontius Pilate was the fifth governor of the Roman province of Judaea, serving under Emperor Tiberius from 26/27 to 36/37 CE. He is best known today for being the official who presided over the trial of Jesus and ordered his crucifixion. Pilate's importance in modern Christianity is underscored by his prominent place in both the Apostles and Nicene Creeds. Due to the Gospels' portrayal of Pilate as reluctant to execute Jesus, the Coptic and Ethiopian Churches believe that Pilate became a Christian and venerate him as a martyr and saint but that's neither here nor there. However, if you'd like to read more about the early Christian church or the Judaism history behind it, might I recommend Josephus. The works of Josephus provide crucial information about the First Jewish-Roman War and also represent an important literary source material for understanding the context of the Dead Sea Scrolls and late Temple Judaism. Josephan scholarship in the 19th and early 20th centuries took an interest in Josephus's relationship to the sect of the Pharisees. That being said, we would be smart to remember that in his 1991 book, Steve Mason argued that Josephus was not a Pharisee but an orthodox Aristocrat-Priest who became associated with the philosophical school of the Pharisees as a matter of deference and not by willing association but I'll leave that to you to form your own scholarly opinion. You certainly don't need me to spoon feed you my thoughts on this matter. 

Like I was saying, minks are dark-colored, semiaquatic, carnivorous mammals of the genera Neovison and Mustela, and part of the family Mustelidae, which also includes weasels, otters, and ferrets. Minks are ideal for coats (although I personally find animal skinning for fashion abhorrent) because they naturally insulate from the harshest environments. I mentioned otters before because you can picture a beautiful, beautiful otter basking in the winter sun's light while holding its baby in nearly freezing conditions in the pacific waters just off the coast of Alaska. The mink has hair like the otter only softer. Incredible

Anyway, I hope the minks start feeling better soon because it was devasting to read about a coronavirus outbreak at mink farms, mostly because I had no idea there were mink farms which makes me think about starting a non-profit dedicated to ending the barbaric mink farms which have long been a bane of my very existence.  Let them swim wild and free. That's what I always say about minks. 

That being said, you probably need a pick-me-up after learning so much heavy shit in one unbelievably good blog that covered an array of topics. Here's a song I like and I think you'll enjoy it too. Here's Rain by the Teskey Brothers and you're listening on SiriusXM Channel 85 Barstool Radio and this is the Chaps and Kate Show.