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Report: Swimming Pools Won't Be Safe During the Pandemic Thanks to 'Fecal Shedding'

Source Illinois Department of Public Health Director Dr. Ngozi Ezike said Thursday that using swimming pools during the coronavirus pandemic is not a good idea – with a gross-out reason as to why.

“IDPH does regulate pools, and if we want to get into the different microbes that exist within pools – different swimming pools – we can do that. But definitely, the practice of obviously being in a swimming pool, unfortunately, we do know that there is some fecal shedding of this coronavirus,” Ezike said, barely able to stop herself from laughing as she did so.

I'm not going to pretend I know what fecal shedding is. It might have been nice for Dr. Ezike to maybe elaborate on the topic, given that she's the one who introduced it to the conversation. But I guess expecting the Director of the Illinois Department of Public Health not to giggle while talking about poop like she was ... well a blogger ... is too big an ask. 

But regardless, I know what fecal means. And have a rough idea what shedding is. And no matter how you put those two together, it sounds like the kind of fresh hell I can't get out of my mind. You know how the real doomsayers can't shut up about how the world is never going to be the same post-coronavirus? I generally ignore them for my own sanity. But how do we come back to normal after finding out fecal shedding in pools is a thing? 

I mean, with or without the 'rona. I've always just assumed that we were cool to be sticking our faces into the same water as strangers' buttholes thanks to the cleansing, sanitizing power of glorious, miraculous chlorine. If there are invisible particles of human dung floating around that even that helpful liquid halogen cannot kill, I'm never going in a pool with another human being again. I'd rather die in the heat. 

So thanks for this latest bit of permanent scarring, medical science. It might might've been helpful to let the rest of us know we've been swimming in open septic tanks our whole lives.