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All It Took Was One Headline And Team USA Men's Soccer Is #BACK!

And just like that USA Soccer is back where it belongs - making World Cups and providing us a chance to party during the summer. You know why? Because Tim Howard (yeah, I know he doesn't play anymore) has a girlfriend being published on British tabloid websites. That's step 1 to becoming a great soccer program again. 

Step 2 is getting good players like Christian Pulisic, Sergino Dest, Josh Sargent, Weston McKennie, Tyler Adams and the rest of the young guys. But look at England and Spain and Italy and all the classic powers. They have good players and SMOKES in the news at all times. They are linked to this model and that actress. That's how you end up being a soccer powerhouse. 

Now it's time to make Tim Howard the coach of the team. Easiest decision ever. He's arguably the greatest American soccer player, slap him as coach and let's get cooking.