"The FIRST thing we will do is we will have a tickertape parade down the Canyon of Heroes" - Bill de Blasio
New Yorkers currently living in a quarantined hellscape because of a super-infectious disease:
This is the part of the blog where I would criticize this plan. But you know what? It's Good News Tuesday. So I am going to say that people packing downtown Manhattan to the gills and dumping zillions of pieces of paper on each other is a GREAT idea. Maybe we can all meet in the subway for a giant city-wide group hug once the parade is over. Perhaps even tell people to kiss each other on the cheek like jolly Italians. Forget about the outside chance that de Blasio is actually the coronavirus wearing a mask in that video. Post Coronavirus NYC will not bend the knee to nobody!
To be clear, I love ticker tape parades and there is no group of people on the planet more deserving of a ride down the Canyon of Heroes than the brave men and women on the frontlines going toe-to-toe with this fuckface coronavirus. But lets focus on maybe getting the city and the economy up to snuff once everyone gets healthy. Then maybe throw a nice responsible social distanced parade for our heroes along with a mandatory long ass vacation somewhere beautiful and maybe build even a statue so history will never forget them.
Speaking of which...
God fucking dammit.