The Barstool Sportsbook Has Arrived In MichiganLearn More

Not Everything has to be Harry Potter

Twitter, an open forum to share thoughts, opinions, and ideas. Filled with adults making fun of teen tiktok idols, coworkers discussing their very true, yet non-traditional romantic life, or wholesome photos of adorable, sweet boys, Twitter has it all.

Twitters biggest downfall? When other social media sites infiltrate its walls. As I was scrolling through, lightly and abruptly exhaling at some of the funniest content on the internet, I stumbled upon this abomination.

Now before I dive in any further, I need to say that I am by no means a fan, but I did read the first 4 Harry Potter books as a kid (the targeted demographic for a book about a wizarding high school) and the first 2 movies. I have no problem with casual fandom, or even slight obsession. Then again, I am an adult who can differentiate what is real, what is fiction.

If that post is satire, then KB should hand over the crown now. But if this isn't, this may be the worst possible combination of words ever strung together. Not everything has to be related to Harry Potter, but seeing that there are over 5,000 comments agreeing, I've come to realize a lot of adults use this fictional, subpar, preteen book series as a place to find solace for their grown-up problems, opinions, and life events.

After seeing that post, my curiosity once again got the best of me (much like St. Mark's Lutheran Vacation Bible School 2005), and I had to head to the source, blog and photo sharing site, Tumblr, to see if there were other real world issues answered with various Hogwarts students and professors. I really hope not.


The Abortion Debate

There is certainly enough hints in the book series to deduce that this tertiary character is pro-choice.

On the flip side, we have the titular characters mother, if who indeed had aborted fetal Harry, the book would've struggled to surpass 1 page, and given the Dursely's much needed storage space under the steps.

Embryo-dismembrio


Racism

This is the exact allegory JK was going for when writing a book for kids.

How could anybody forget how bad of a slur m*dblood is?


Relationships

Unfortunately, it looks like I need to breakup with my asexual girlfriend who denounces Nazis because she's a Slytherin.

Ah nevermind.


Gun Control

Infamous anti-gun control propaganda, Harry Potter.


What I learned through this all, no matter what side you are on in any debate, there is always some sort of mental gymnastic that can be made to find a character/event/paragraph in any book that can be twisted to align your view. To prove this, I made my own anonymous, now deleted, Tumbler account.

With this, I made a quick graphic and a nonsensical allegory of things I know nothing about. 

NOTE: I used photos for the character that I cannot blog so they are crossed out here.

Using every Harry Potter hashtag I could think of, I published.