No offense to Leroy, who is a great pooch that let me rub his belly back when we were allowed to coerce at HQ and has hit on some big scoops. But there is a new face of #NFLInsiderDogTwitter and she is a bitch (no offense if the B word is frowned upon in the dog community, Abby). After all the worries about hiring an unknown special teams coach from a coaching tree that has yielded little fruit in terms of successful head coaches, Joe Judge has proven that he picked up all the little tricks we hoped he would from going to Saban University and Belichick Grad School.
Name something more loyal, trustworthy, or better at scouting than a golden retriever? You can't. While NFL war rooms are scattered throughout the country, unable to meet in the same building, Joe Judge has his dog eating film like Kibble & Bits and shitting out Big Boards in the Judge backyard. Something tells me Abby can sniff out a real hog molly with gold jacket potential from a big fat phony and there's no need to worry about leaks since there are no Zoom conference necessary for Joe and Abby with Abby also not being able to leak who the Giants are targeting because she is a dog without a phone or the ability to speak (Don't worry, the Giants first round targets will leak hours if not days before the draft because they have since Jerry Reese was in charge and I think Dave Gettleman may actually leak his picks on purpose these days).
I already had all the faith in the world that the Giants would be able to navigate through this tricky virtual draft simply because Joe Judge is an intense and thorough bad mamma jamma. But putting his pooch to work for the price of dog food while the world is scarmbling in crisis is the exact Bill Belichick 5D chess move we all hoped we would see out of his former pupil.
So for those keeping track at home, our new head coach's top scout is his dog and our GM watches game film on hiWii.
If chaos is a ladder then the Giants are about to ride this quarantine to the Super Bowl, if there is a Super Bowl. See you in Tampa, bitches!
P.S. I'd be remiss if I didn't bend the knee to Big Blue's former queen named Abby.
May she enjoy retirement life with Eli while grooming Daniel Jones' replacement in roughly 20 years.