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We Need To Create A Support Group For Men Whose Lives Have Been Overrun By Their Lady's Decorative Throw Pillows

There is something that happens when you move in with your girl that nobody ever tells you about. So if you're a college kid right now or just young and single, allow me to be your friendly uncle real quick and clue you in on what to expect in the future. 

Your life is going to be completely overran by decorative throw pillows. 

Some of you probably don't even know what throw pillows are right now. You've got your bed at school with your standard 2 pillows, or maybe you're an absolute psychopath and only have one. Either way, those are the pillows that you rest your weary bones on as you go to sleep at night. Then one day you find a girl you love, you decide to get a place together and then before you know it...

You've got 10 pillows on your bed. TEN. And that doesn't mean that you sleep with 10 pillows every night because that would be preposterous and almost impossible given the amount of space left on the bed. So every night you take 6 fake pillows off the bed for when you sleep, and every morning you put 6 pillows back on the bed in their rightful space. That's assuming you're an actual adult who makes their bed every morning but I feel like if you had that many throw pillows, you're not living in a household of large adult children who sleep in an unmade bed each night. 

Now here's the thing--you can't necessarily hate on the throw pillows because they do exactly what they're intended to do. They make the place look like an actual home instead of a prison cell. And if you were left to decorate the place yourself, chances are you'd just have that same Johnny Cash poster everybody has on the wall, maybe a framed jersey from high school, and dip spitters scattered across the coffee table in the living room. But that doesn't change the fact that you are severely outnumbered by throw pillows in your own domicile. And that's not even counting all the throw pillows on the couches. 

And now that everybody is spending so much time at home because of this quarantine, chances are you're quickly starting to realize just how outnumbered you are. All we can really do at this point is stick together and support one another. Unless you finally snap and take a knife to them.