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PornHub Has Created A Wristband That Allows You To Charge Your Phone While You Jerk Off

 

(YouTube) – Introducing The Wankband: The first wearable tech that allows you to love the planet, by loving yourself. Ladies and gentlemen, the power is your hand. At Pornhub, we’re concerned about the amount of energy consumed by our users while enjoying the millions of hours of content we provide on our site. That’s why we’ve decided to pitch in to help save the environment by creating a revolutionary wearable tech device. Find out more about the Wankband and how you can create dirty energy at www.thewankband.com and sign up to become a Be(a)ta tester so you can find out how this amazing invention can help you save the planet.

 

At first glance, great idea. Your phone always dies and you scramble for a way to charge it, right? That couldn’t possibly be bad. Wrong. Because where does your phone almost exclusively die? At the bar. When you’re out. If it dies at home or at a friend’s apartment, you simply grab a charge. When you’re out, that’s when you’re really up shit’s creek. So what are you going to do, sneak into the bathroom and beat-off? Stand at the bar and vigorously shake your fist at the bartender? Hit the dance floor and exclusively bust out an “I’m pretending to masturbate” move? No, because all those things mean you’re a psychopath. So having this watch is like having a super power that you’re not allowed to use. “Shit my phone’s at 5% so I’m not going to be able to drunk text or tweet tonight. Well I guess I could go tug my dick in that bathroom stall where the fat guy just puked…” It almost makes it worse, having that ability in the palm of your hand but nowhere to use it.