Coronavirus Canceled the Czech Easter Tradition of Whipping Women's Asses with Sticks

Source - The coronavirus lockdown has led to the suspension of a controversial Czech Easter tradition where men lightly whip women with a switch made of willow branches to ensure fertility. 

It is an Easter Monday ritual of pagan origin, popular in rural areas. Men go door-to-door, singing a ditty and whipping women's legs and buttocks. 

They are rewarded with painted eggs and shots of plum brandy. ...

It can be seen either as a quaint rural custom with roots in pagan fertility rituals or an unacceptably sexist reminder of the power of the patriarchy. 

On Easter Monday, male villagers spend the morning going from house to house, whipping the village women. 

Frankly as the brandy-fuelled morning wears on, their ability to administer any kind of physical punishment is somewhat diminished. 

But wherever you stand on the tradition, it's not likely to be happening much this year as Interior Minister Jan Hamacek has urged Czech men to leave their whips at home.

Oh what the hell? When does this madness stop? 

First they took away my right to celebrate my heritage day drinking in a crowded pub filled with drunken Irishmen. Then they came for March Madness. The Masters. MLB Opening Day. The Boston Marathon. Then it was Easter. Gone. All gone. Now they've deprived Czech villagers of the time-honored tradition of ritualistically whipping women's asses with sticks in order to get drunk on brandy and make them pregnant. Is there no end to this?

I'm all about keeping people safe. But we can't lose sight of who we are. If these young men can't ritualistically flog ladies with willow branches, they might lose all sense of self. These cultural traditions are what bind us together. They are part of our identity. Jesus returned from the grave to grant us eternal life. But also so that horny drunks could dress like waiters at EPCOT's World Showcase could harass women into giving them hardboiled eggs and fruity booze. Maybe it's not explicitly mentioned in the gospels, but it is sort of implied. 

So I'm sorry for these poor Czechs that they too have now had to sacrifice one of their most sacred rituals. All I can do is sympathize and promise them that when all this is behind us, they'll have the greatest Easter whipping celebration they've ever had. Even if they need to use six foot long switches to do it.