So as the supreme leader of Barstool Sports it is my job to stay on top of new media trends. Obviously the hottest social media platform right now is Tik-Tok. A new breed of Tik Tok stars are being born every day. Previously unknown teenagers are accumulating millions of followers overnight. For the most part I understand the girl part of it. Hot girls dancing will always put asses in the seats. But the guys have me totally perplexed. I mean have you seen the dudes who are now tik tok superstars? These are the types of guys who got stuffed in lockers in my day. Like they’ve probably never played wiffle ball in their lives. They don’t know the difference between a tailback and a quarterback. All they do is dance and wear fancy clothes that are designed to look like they can’t afford clothes. It’s like we’ve entered the upside down. Seriously I feel like I’m fighting a different version of Corona all over again. I mean how do you defeat an enemy you don’t understand at all? I mean for the past 20 years I always knew Barstool would destroy all challengers for the crown because I knew I was smarter and better than they were. I knew what they were going to do before they did it. I was always 30 steps ahead. But not these brodudes. I can’t dance. I can’t wiggle my dick like they can. All I can do is take a fastball on the outside black and turn it around 370 into the power alley and I don’t even know if that means anything anymore.
PS – I think the guy on the right has an intentional bloody nose? I invented that move.