PAW PAW, Mich. — One is a building with bars. The other is a building with a bar. A very drunk woman apparently had trouble telling them apart and ended up in a southwestern Michigan jail cell. The Van Buren County sheriff’s department says a 39-year-old woman mistook the Van Buren County jail for the bar where she was trying to pick up her boyfriend.The department says Deputy Robert Miersma spotted the Hartford-area woman backing into the jail parking lot in Paw Paw about 2 a.m. Sunday and noticed she smelled of alcohol and appeared intoxicated. It says a breath test showed her with more than twice the 0.08 percent blood alcohol considered drunk in Michigan.
I know we say “Today In Women” a lot, and talk about dumb woman logic and how dumb girls can be in general. All of that still stands true, but this bitch has got to be on her own level of incompetence. I’m actually baffled by how dumb this broad is. I’m also baffled that there’s a town called Paw Paw but that’s another story. I’m trying to wrap my head around how any human being, drunk or not, could mistake a jail for a bar. They’re like the complete opposite place as each other. One of them at least gives you the opportunity to get the good kind of laid (a very slim chance but a chance nonethless). The other one almost guarantees you the opportunity to get the bad kind of laid. But yeah, talk about rough way to end your night. One moment you think you’re picking up your boyfriend at the bar for him to pipe you out later only to succumb to whisky-dick, the next moment you basically slap yourself with a DUI charge. That’s not exactly how we drew it up.
P.S. – She probably parked that car like a complete jackass.