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Roger Goodell Is Going To Announce The Picks For This Year's NFL Draft From His Basement Like Some Loser Blogger

Not sure if this is a huge W for bloggers, a massive L for the National Football League, or a bit of both. But the thought of Roger Goodell being banished to the basement like Milton from Office Space by Mrs. Goodell is fucking fantastic. I get that Goodell's garage probably puts my entire house to shame. But there is something hilarious about the commissioner of the biggest sports league in the country getting sent to the dungeon of the house during the biggest day on the NFL's calendar for months and peak Goodell.

Do you think Jerry Jones is grabbing some snacks and heading down to his mancave to conduct the Cowboys war room with an iron fist in 10 days? Fuuuuuuuck no. Jerruh would buy another zillion dollar stadium to live in before he got sent underground to the part of the house with spotty service on what may be the biggest sports night for months. 

I'm not basement shaming, either. I am literally writing this blog from my basement because I am a shlep blogger and I bet that glory hole Jerry Jones talked about years ago is in his basement. But a basement is not place for the NFL Draft. A fantasy draft? Sure. But when it comes to the NFL Draft that is shown multiple nights in prime time, you have to conduct business in the kitchen, the dining room, the living room, or the study (because you knowwwww that weasel fuck Goodell has a study). Anything else is unacceptable.

P.S. I don't know which I would love more, hearing Mrs. Goodell bang on the floor at some point because Rog is making too much noise or a couple of Goodell’s neighbors booing the shit out of him before every pick from outside his window. Actually the answer is B because we need normalcy during these times of chaos and hearing Goodell getting booed to hell is like being at my childhood home eating Sunday dinner with my family.  Everything just feels right.

P.P.S. Apologies to BFW for the unintended ricochet shot