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Eligible Bachelors Have Been Sending In Their Dating Resumes to a Lonely Genie Bouchard During Quarantine

The lovely Genie Bouchard is all alone out in Vegas during this quarantine. She appears to be on the verge of a psychological breakdown. Like myself, I assume Genie has been all the dating apps the past month swiping left and right on thousands of bachelors. It's just exhausting, I get it girl. Sometimes the world just feels so small. The Canadian tennis player sent out this tweet about a month ago wishing she had a boyfriend to spend all this alone time with. 

All it took was one tweet to get her agent's inbox FLOODED with dating resumes from all over. I can't imagine what some of these looked like. 

“Two days later my agent … (told me) I’m getting dating resumes in his email inbox. He sent me some and some of them are hilarious. A guy wrote out his resume like past experiences, good qualities, strengths and everything. I was dying."

Over the weekend she went on IG live with her bestie Allie LaForce to talk some quarantine life and to provide an update on the dating situation. It's not going well. 

"I’m super alone. It’s really lonely. I’m literally alone. If you’re still in the honeymoon phase (of a relationship) I think quarantine is perfect for that.”

I've wondered this whole time what recently moved in couples have been doing with each other over the last month. Obviously sex is the answer, but what about when the clothes are on. This will either prove to you that she/he is the one and can make this work, or it'll tear you apart limb by limb. Either way it's fascinating and something I don't wish on anyone. I'm thriving in quarantine ife back under the roof of my mom in Jersey. She's cooking me food around the clock while I work and hang with my dog. We're having a blast, but I'm always down for a change because I'm an adaptable person. 

Well Genie is alone and in trouble out in Sin City. She's in clear need of a night in shining armor. I mean she's even run out of toilet paper for Christ's sake! We can't have that.

There's a report that Bob Menery ambushed the Insta live and asked Genie on a date, but I'm choosing to disregard those rumors because well..fuck Bob Menery. Those two aren't ending up together. Not on my watch. Nope. 

Now with this all being said I'm throwing my name in the hat. Listen if you can get past the receding hairline (which doesn't look half as bad right now since every barbershop in the world is out of commission) then I'm a pretty good time. That and my height are really my only two disadvantages when we lay down the cards. Oh, I also strained my neck playing video games the other day because I was in a tense game so I can't really look to the right at the moment. As long as you stay center or on the left we're good. 

I think my greatest quality is bar far my ability to rewatch any movie or show that I've already seen, no matter how recent. Wanna run back Gossip Girl? I just watched all 121 episodes in two weeks and I'd do it all again in a heart beat if that was your desire. That's a pretty good characteristic all things considered and I pride myself in it. My range in shows is unrivaled. Find you a guy who can watch every episode of Gossip Girl and then go right into Ozark. I'll probably rewatch 24 next. Variety is my middle name. You don't find that these days. Menery doesn't have that range in his arsenal. 

You'll see me at my worst when baseball is on, as it consumes my life, but right now there's nothing going on. I'm also a big tennis guy if we want to talk some shop from time to time! If the random dude from the Super Bowl bet can score a few dates then I can convince myself I have a shot even if he is wildly better looking than me and probably a billion times smoother. Listen, things are starting to make a lot of sense right now! Could be a match made in heaven! Offer is always on the table.