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Today's Biggest Winners And Losers From Lebron's Announcement

WINNERS

Biggest Winner: The City of Cleveland

The number 1 winner today is Cleveland, Ohio. You could make the argument that this is the best moment in Cleveland in the past 50 years. Surpasses the night they drafted Lebron in the first place. Sure some assholes will say they shouldn’t welcome him back, but fuck that. This is an incredible moment for the people of that city. Lebron basically apologized and told them he’s returning specifically for the people of Northeast Ohio. And as soon as the winning resumes and the hometown boy is bringing a trophy home to their city, nobody will ever even think about “The Decision” again. I strangely enough have a lot of friends from Cleveland. One friend told me “Thats gonna be a positive change for a lot of people in and around my life.” Another friend told me he cried. A third buddy of mine currently lives in Arizona and said he’s thinking about moving back home to Cleveland. This is so much bigger than just basketball for them.

Second Biggest Winner: Lebron James

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Could not have done this any better. Every thing he did wrong with The Decision, he did right with his homecoming. No flashy TV special. No compiling a super team. No arrogance. He’s humbly returning home for his family, his fans, and his city. Perfectly crafted letter shows a new side of Lebron that almost completely erases his previous image as a villain. Its the biggest face turn since Hulk Hogan. Sure, some of this is intentional. He’s still just an athlete and this is still just a business but he’s playing this PERFECTLY. I do truly think he’s being genuine, but I think there’s a very smart level of spin going on here too. Which brings me to:

Lebron’s PR Team

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4 years ago they were burning his jersey. Today they are literally calling the radio in Cleveland and crying their eyes out thanking God he’s returning. I’m not sure if its the same people from the Decision who learned from their mistakes or a new crop of people who told him they were doing things TOTALLY differently, but whatever LBJ pays them, he needs to double it. Whoever wrote that essay for Lebron should be the next speech writer for the President of the United States

Chris Sheridan

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The NBA Free Agency this offseason was absolutely fucking BANANAS. To the point that it became a mockery of itself. Sources citing sources. Conspiracy theories and rumors galore. Assholes like Broussard and Stephen A Smith just babbling left and right. And then there was Chris Sheridan who just quietly said he knew it was a done deal and never wavered. Never faltered one bit. Hat tip to you bro.

Sports Illustrated and Lee Jenkins

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You look a little bit like a serial killer in your twitter picture, Lee, but other than that, incredible job by you on social media today. It takes an INCREDIBLE amount of restraint to keep your mouth shut until the moment this was officially announced. This day and age, that deserves some major respect. In this era of social media guys are willing to step on throats to be the first person to break the news on twitter. The first person to get the credit and get the retweets and the followers. Not sure how long he knew it was 100% official but any longer than ONE SECOND and I’m impressed. I woulda leaked that shit in a heartbeat. Huge win for Sports Illustrated as well. All the assholes at ESPN speculating and backtracking and double talking for days on end and when its all said and done, Sports Illustrated gets the scoop. Thank GOD it wasn’t Reilly.

and last but not least

Carolines Cupcakes

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Credit where credit is due – the first person to break the news of #TheReturn was Caroline.

Hybrid Winner/Loser

Dan Gilbert

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Holy shit almighty did this guy dodge a bullet. That letter almost came back to bite him right in the fucking dick. Left it up on the Cavs site until like the 11th hour too. Kind of a loser because he has to swallow his pride, tuck his tail, and go back on everything he said. Ultimately a winner though because hes bringing the best player of a generation to his team to win a title for a city that hasn’t won anything since 1948

LOSERS

Biggest loser: Pat Riley

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Pat Riley doesn’t lose out like this. It just doesn’t happen. Sure, his team has lost on the court before. But when it comes to big picture losses like this, it just doesnt happen to Riley. He’s a greasy slimy sleazeball snake who’s always put himself in the right place at the right time and gotten his way. He played hardball with Lebron and Lebron fucked his face.

Dwyane Wade

 

Have fun toiling away the rest of your career injured and making like 1/10th of what you could have made if you didnt opt out! Whoops!

Miami Heat Fans

Not because they actually care since they’re all bandwagon assholes, but simply because they are actually all losers.

The Bulls

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Not that they were ever in the running for Lebron. But he’s heading to Cleveland, rumors of Kevin Love being added next are already swirling, Carmelo is gonna take that $130 million to stay in New York, and the big summer of free agents is done. Maybe they pick up the scraps of Dwyane Wade. Can they offer Bosh something that might entice him to not take Houston’s 100M dollar offer? Either way things look bleak for Big Cat and the Bulls right now.

and last but certainly not least, Chris Broussard

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To be fair, I can’t really call him a loser. He’s been the talk of the town for a week straight now. For better or worse. One of those “no such thing as bad publicity” sort of situations. But he has legit just been making shit up as he went along. Citing imaginary sources and just throwing out percentage probabilities every day all while saying “JOO LYE” and “LE BRAWN” like an asshole. I guess he was at the forefront of this whole thing, which is probably all he cares about. But I don’t think anybody thinks he has any credibility at all anymore after another summer of rumor mongering.

All in all, I think it was one of the most fascinating turn of events in sports history. Its the perfect storm, all starting back when Lebron was first drafted. Think about it – if Lebron was from any other city or if any other franchise got that first pick that year, none of this is happening. This obviously is all predicated upon doing it for his hometown team that has felt nothing but despair. And the stars aligned not once, but twice to bring him there to play basketball. Anyone who can’t sit back and enjoy this saga strictly for the Hollywood script drama needs to check themselves.