The Man Who's Fucked Over 1,000 Cars Finally Settles Down With A VW Beetle
From 2008:
Now:
Huff Po – Edward Smith’s love life has been in overdrive for the last 48 years. By his count, he’s had more than 1,000 sex partners — but only one of those was actually human. Smith, 63, is a “mechaphile,” the term for someone sexually attracted to planes, trains and automobiles. Oh, and helicopters too. He once had a quickie with a copter used in the TV series “Airwolf.” “Some guys look at boobs and bums on beautiful women. I look at the front and rear on beautiful cars,” he said, according to the Mirror. But Smith is no longer driven to have sex with just any car. He says his joyriding days are over and that he is committed to “Vanilla,” a Volkswagen Beetle he purchased 30 years ago. “When I hold Vanilla in my arms there’s a powerful energy that comes from her in response to that,” he said in an interview with Barcroft TV. “If anything was to happen to her I would be more than heartbroken.” Smith isn’t completely shifting into monogamy. He says he also has flings with a 1973 Opel GT named “Cinnamon,” and an 1993 Ford Ranger by the name of “Splash,” according to OddityCentral. “Mechaphilia” is a unique fetish, but Smith claims he’s not alone in his intense love of machinery. He estimates there are at least 500 guys in the world also keyed into sex with cars, according to Time.com. “When I turned 13 and the famous Corvette Stingray came about, that car was pure sex and just an incredible machine. I wanted it,” he told the Telegraph. “I didn’t fully understand it myself except that I know I’m not hurting anyone and I do not intend to.”
Does everybody know Edward Smith? Anyone who’s ever been on the internet probably knows him. He’s been fucking cars for 50 years. His claim to fame is that he fucked the helicopter from Airwolf. And now, at the age of 63, after fucking the tailpipes of over a thousand cars, Eddie Smith has retired from the game. Finally settled down with a VW Beetle named Vanilla. Great work by Ed. Thats the fucking blueprint right there my friends. I think the most important thing for a single guy is to get everything out of their system. Fuck as many girls or cars as you possibly can. Hook up with all the hot ones humanely possible. Because when it comes time to settle down, you don’t want the hot bitchy one. You want the one that makes you happy and takes care of you and will be there for life.
Well thats exactly what a VW Beetle named Vanilla is. I’m sure Edward Smith fucked a Ferrari or two. Maybe a couple crazy nights with a Lamborghini. But those aren’t the bitches you wanna settle down with. Those are the ones you want to fuck and brag to your friends about and check off your list but you gotta follow your heart at some point. Thats Vanilla. She might not be the sexiest. Not the most expensive. Not the best piece of machinery you’ve ever seen. But she makes you happy and thats whats important in the long run.
Plus it sounds like shes kinda kinky and still lets you fuck that Ford Ranger and that 1972 GT. Vanilla is a Beetle in the street but a freak in the bed!
PS – Imagine if this guy got to have a threesome with the helicopter from Airwolf and the GMC van from A-Team? That has gotta be the ultimate threesome for him. That would be like one of us having a threesome with Kelly Kapowski and Topanga Lawrence. Gets no better.