Condom Study Determines New York City Has The 4th Biggest Dicks In All Of America

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Daily FinanceIf the Wild West is the home of manly men, you wouldn’t know it by the penis size study just released by Condomania. Men in Utah and Wyoming apparently caught the short end of the stick. In contrast, residents of New Hampshire, Oregon and New York must be bursting with pride at finishing at the top of this list. Condomania began marketing TheyFit condoms six years ago, a set of 76 varied sizes to provide a perfect fit. The data pool for this study has swelled to more than 27,000 men, enough to draw some tentative conclusions. The tumescent curve runs from 3″ to 10″, falling into a Bell normal curve with half between 5″ and 6″. This conforms with previous studies, including the Kinsey Report.

Broken down by city, the list of the most well-endowed citizens is topped by:

1. New Orleans
2. Washington DC
3. San Diego
4. New York City
5. Phoenix
6. Portland
7. Atlanta
8. San Francisco
9. Chicago
10. St. Louis
11. Seattle
12. Miami
13. Indianapolis
14. Columbus
15. Boston
16. Denver
17. Los Angeles
18. Detroit
19. Philadelphia
20. Dallas/Ft. Worth

New York City proclaiming Dick Dominance over the entire Barstool Empire. Chicago clocking in at 9, Boston at 15, and Philly barely cracking the top 20 at number 19. One the one hand, thats a good thing. Any time there’s any sort of list about dick size you wanna be at the top. On the other hand this means we wear condoms like a bunch of squares. So its kinda like a wash really. We’ve got the 4th biggest cocks in the country but we put condoms on them like losers. Looks like the entire Midwest doesn’t fuck with condoms. Raw dogging from Canada to Mexico in the Breadbasket of America.

To be perfectly honest I don’t even understand how this study works. I guess this company makes condom sizes? Like when you buy shoes? 76 shapes and sizes. Absurd. Imagine strapping on a condom and being like “Ehh, I could go a half size smaller probably” like when you’re trying on a pair of kicks? Weird as fuck. They should have different racks of condoms based on nationality. On one end of the aisle is Asian and Irish and at the other end of the spectrum they keep the Black condoms behind the counter like they do with razors so nobody steals them.

Anyway, I’ll take it. New Orleans and DC has a lot of black dudes so I don’t mind coming in behind them. San Diego is kinda curious but whatever. No shame having the 4th biggest dicks in America.