Sometimes You Just Need Some Good Old Fashioned Celtics Porn

Did you know today is Day 30 without our beloved Celtics? Maybe all the days are blending together for you, but yours truly has been keeping track because I like to cause myself pain and frankly there may be some stoolies out there that need a little pick me up. As any Celtics fan will tell you, one of the fun parts about watching this team play is their knack for giving us some very NSFW Celtics Porn. Now this can be a lot of things which is what makes it so great. Maybe it's some great ball movement where everyone touches the ball before a big time momentum three. Maybe it's Jayson Tatum shaking the shit out of an All NBA defender and either dunking on someone or hitting his patented step back three. Maybe is Marcus Smart doing Marcus Smart things. Admit it, as a fan of this team you read those examples and are experiencing a little tingling in your private parts. That's OK. Who isn't. 

So seeing as how it's been far too long since we've had some quality Celtics porn in our lives and chances are by now you're just scrolling deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep into Pornhub pages, today feels like a great opportunity for a nice Celtics Porn dump. Our lord and savior, @Timi_093 has unloaded the clip with a bunch of quality candidates and it is my job to make sure every Celtics stoolie reading this blog is aware of the type of heat we have to choose from. I honestly don't know how I would survive with quarantine without his work so please join in me in thanking him. Contribute to his patreon, get Danny Ainge to hire him, give him all the views in the world, the man is a saint and has been since Day 1. 

Now, I'm going to warn you. What you are about to watch is extremely erotic. You may want to find a way to watch these by yourself. Maybe save some for later tonight where you can really take care of yourself. Light some candles, maybe draw a bath, whatever tickles your fancy. 

Alright, without further ado let's do this

The Best Of Marcus Smart

You can't talk about Celtics Porn without starting with the guy who is the cause of so much of it. 

Kembaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Safe to say Kemba has about as much pressure as any Celtic coming into the season. Not just from a production expectation standpoint, but he really was tasked with being the savior for this team's chemistry. He needed to be about as anti-Kyrie as it gets while still putting up All Star production. After being on the wrong end of these Kemba moves for so long, boy it is awesome to finally be able to enjoy this shit. So nasty.

And 1's

Who doesn't love a good And1? 

Let's talk defense

Sort of like the Marcus Smart reasoning, so much of the Celtics Porn we get to enjoy is the result of some elite level defense. Is it weird that watching flawless rotations gets my blood pumping? Not to me. Everyone moving on a string as a collective unit is the good stuff. Remember when all the talking heads said the Celtics defense was fucked once they lost Horford and Baynes? Hey idiots, put some respect on the #4 ranked defense in the entire NBA. 

Ball movement (no pun intended but intended)

You can't expect me to talk about the defense and then not move to what might be my #1 Celtics Porn option. Ball movement. There is nothing, and I mean nothing more beautiful than flawless ball movement. There's a reason the Basketball Gods reward you when you move the ball. Celtics basketball like you read about. When this team shares the ball it makes me feel things and since this is a family blog I won't go into detail. But personally, when I think Celtics Porn I think ball movement first and I don't see that changing anytime soon. 

The Jays

Cleanup on isle Greenie's pants. This is where the quick reload is important because we ain't done.

Gordon's midrange

I don't have the science to back this up, but I am fairly certain that on nights where Hayward goes to his midrange early and he makes his first few attempts, he ends up having a monster night. This is one of the more beautiful parts of Hayward's offensive arsenal and something I am sure as shit is happy is back in our lives. The way he can read a defense and get to his spot with ease, the times where he unleashes a little turnaround from 10-15 ft. Man I'm sweating just thinking about it. 

Timelord

Timelord plays are like when you find the perfect video on your favorite adult website, but then maybe you go back the next night and it's nowhere to be found. Can't find it no matter what you search. That's Timelord. When he's active, holy shit is it erotic. Insane blocks, even better lobs, you just can't really bank on it always being there for you night in and night out. 

Brad ATOs

Nothing like a quality Brad ATO. Maybe it's someone's brain that gets you going and Brad unleashing his genius in the form of a good ATO should do the trick. 

Alright, if you're like me and really needed to scratch your Celtics Porn itch, this should have you covered. Times are tough during this quarantine so hopefully this helped. I know it did for me.