Blogger's Note: To optimize this blog and experience it in the format it was meant to be read in, please make the Chris Berman "PBSHH, PBSHHH, PBSHHHH" sound every time Alstott runs over a player
Yesterday I wrote a blog about the Bucs
old new uniforms being unveiled and included a Mike Alstott highlight reel because I associate those jerseys with Alstott running over fools first followed by 13-10 slobberknockers second. But I stumbled upon these highlights on Reddit this morning and figured who the fuck is going to complain about more Mike Alstott highlights since he is one of the most beloved players ever. In fact, the only people that didn't like Alstott were fans of teams that played the Bucs twice ever year as well as Warrick Dunn fantasy owners that watched Alstott vulture the living shit out of Warrick's TDs.
Also a not so quick story just because it's the second thing I think of when I hear the name Mike Alstott after him crushing human bodies and souls. When I was in college, my roommates and I had a 10-man Madden franchise. Everyone was allowed to make one trade per season since we didn't want every team to essentially become fantasy rosters. Most people would trade for a quarterback or stud receiver or middle linebacker. Well my one buddy used his one trade on a fullback named Michael Joseph Alstott. While everyone loved Alstott for reasons that can easily be identified in that 60 second video, using your one trade on a short yardage back in Madden seemed like a crazy move since you could just sort Free Agents by Break Tackle and get a pretty decent option without using your one trade.
Since we needed to keep the league moving, if you didn't play your game in a couple of days, you would get simulated. The one rule was Injuries would be turned off since we live in a society and all. Well the Alstott owner had held us up because he had a full day of classes. The other owners wanted to get their game in because college students have never been the most patient bunch. The Alstott owner walked in the house a few hours later after a couple of games had been played and the season had been saved. He asked if he won, was told that he lost, and then said "Well at least you turned injuries off, right?". The kid's face who hit Simulate told everyone the answer was clearly "No, I forgot". We went to the Injury Report page for the Franchise and all we saw was:
Mike Alstott (Herniated Disc) - Out For Career
Not out for the week or the year. But out for career. Game Over. Because of a simulation. Still the most brutal thing I have seen in Madden just because it was so easily preventable, which of course makes it better because we still bust the Alstott owners balls for getting his soul ripped clean out of his body because of a video game til this day. So thank you Mike Alstott for not only providing wonderful memories on the football field but also on the video game operating table.
On a related note, I really really reeeeeeeeeeally fucking miss college.