Fuuuuuuuck The Tampa Bay Bucs "New" Uniforms

Blogger's Note: I feel like there wasn't enough of a reaction, or to be honest anger, about the Bucs new uniforms because that's what the internet specializes in. I don't know if it was because there are a couple of other slightly bigger things going on in the world or because they are essentially just the Bucs old jerseys with a new coat of paint. But here is your internet uniform hit piece of the day, even though I really don't care about the Bucs other than whenever my Giants play against them for my fantasy team plays against any of their players

Show some creativity for me one time, Tampa Bay! How are the Bucs going to become a real NFL franchise if they refuse to actually start wearing real uniforms? When I see those jerseys, I think of 13-10 slugfests where Brad Johnson or Shaun King threw for 165 yards and 2 picks, not a team with an awesome coach and some of the most talented players in the NFL that just completed a mission they named Operation Shoeless Joe like they are secret agents to snag the greatest player of all-time from the only franchise he has ever known. Am I supposed to believe that a city known for some of the most incredible strip club scenes in the nation couldn't come up with something sexier than those jerseys? 

Yeah I know Tampa won a Super Bowl with these colors. But that is the first Super Bowl people forget about when they are trying to remember all of the Big Games™ of the 21st century. If I wanted a weak reboot of something from the 90s and early 2000s, I would just go to the movie theater to see whatever reheated mess Hollywood released before realizing the movie theaters are closed. 

The only real positive about these uniforms is that they remind me of Mike Alstott and Mike Alstott was fucking awesome.

Side Note: The internet does not have NEARLY enough Mike Alstott gifs, so here is a highlight video

Also, would it have killed the Bucs to have some sort of tip of the buccaneer's cap to the creamsicle jerseys? I know that the Bucs were the biggest joke in football back in those creamsicle days and only being allowed to use one helmet pretty much would mean they'd have to change everything in their color scheme to make it work. But that color scheme is amongst the cleanest in all of sports with one of the sweetest swashbuckling logos you will ever see.

In closing, the Bucs should have been forced to abandon the pewter look the minute they went to those ugly digital number jerseys the XFL wouldn't have even approved and not been allowed to go back to the pewter look for two full redesigns, no matter how fun it is to say "Pewter". I rebuke the Bucs new old uniforms for their utter lack of creativity and if the official face of Bucs Twitter, whoever that may be, has a problem with that he can face me for a quarantine duel at High Noon tomorrow.