I've tried to turn my brain off from this and I just can't help myself. Chicago's #1 coming out of the tunnel at Soldiers and having an easy 60 yards to cover in her best pant suit before getting to the microphone. I'm all for combining social distancing with dramatics but this is a bit much. Even for someone with as much swag as Lori. Like in Austin Powers when Frau counts down from 30 to launch the space shuttle and it's super awkward because no one needs that much time to launch a space shuttle. Except in this case we're talking about a global pandemic and cancelling all the sports everywhere and relying on Barstool Chicago to spread the message.
Lori will be joining us this week on Red Line Radio to talk things like Jay Cutler's legacy and managing the 3rd largest city in the United States during a historic period of uncertainty. That should drop on Thursday morning.
Elsewhere, here's a list of long walks in sports, no particular order.
- Bullpens - gotta keep a light jog
- 17th green to 18th tee box - some would argue that the walk up the 18th fairway is harder, but my money says the tee-shot has a lot more juice than the approach shot so I'm going longer on the way to tee box
- Basketball court to locker room after getting double technical'd - especially if the sound guy is a dick and he's playing HIT THE ROAD JACK while the United Center goes absolutely bananas. Fuck that walk.
- 43 yarder to beat the Eagles at home in 1st round of playoffs - the jog/walk out to the right-hash at the 26-yard line has to be pretty nerve wrecking, especially with playoffs on the line
- Anything in skates - walking anywhere in hockey skates fucking blows and takes longer than usual
- Royal Rumble - especially when you know you're getting eliminated right away
- Walk to Bill Parcels's sidelines after throwing a pick-6 in the red zone - arguably the longest walk in sports
And in respect of keeping things balanced, here are some short but awful walks
- getting drilled
- giving up a walk-off bomb and you have to get off the field without confronting the other team that's running around and yelling like a bunch of animals
- fouling out in college basketball