The Barstool Fund - In Support Of The 30 Day FundLearn More

Report: Stress from the Pandemic is Causing Monkeys and Apes to Chain Smoke

Source - Stressed-out primates have taken to chain smoking cigarettes as the coronavirus crisis rages across the globe.

Monkeys and chimps have failed to kick the habit as entertained visitors are seen to laugh as the animals spark up amid the pandemic.

In Cambodia, one man took to social media to share a video, titled ‘By 2020 even monkeys can smoke’, which shows a tiny macaque in a pen smoking a cig as another looks on.

The animal is seen to take repeated drags while looking thoughtfully into the distance, as a group of men laugh hysterically and take pictures on their phones.

It seems that as worried humans panic over the pandemic unfolding around them, their stress has rubbed off on monkeys who are reaching for the smokes. ...

In the midst of the crisis elsewhere another video titled ‘human monkey’ has appeared online of a smoking chimp in a zoo enclosure.

The animal seems to be transfixed with smoking a cigarette as the excited voices of a French man, woman and child can be heard to comment. ...

The addiction often starts when the animals pick up and smoke discarded cigarette butts.

In October 2016 a video showing a chimpanzee lighting and smoking a cigarette at a zoo in Pyongyang, North Korea went viral, after officials claimed she smoked a pack a day.

I know it's a little hard to worry about our distant primate relatives right now with coronavirus on the rise. Plus I get it. Watching an ape smoke is hilarious in any language. Plus it gets funnier every time you see it.

But the fact remains, someday in the not too distant future, we'll have gotten through the Covid-19 crisis. That's a scientific fact. But long after the epidemic is in our past, these little baboons will still have the - if you'll excuse the metaphor - Nicotine Monkey on their back. 

Sure, it's cute now, whether you're Cambodian, French or North Korean. But it's not going to be so adorable once these highly adaptive, imitative creatures are full on cig fiends. Soon they won't be able to get out of bed in the morning until they've had their first drag. They'll always trying to bum them off of the tourists. Taking 20 smoke breaks a day the other zoo apes who don't smoke aren't entitled to, which just breeds resentment. Littering up the place with their discarded butts and Bic lighters. Hanging around outside of the bars so that you can't even walk in without having to pass through a dense cloud of their second hand smoke. 

And the cigarettes are just the beginning. It's only a matter of time before they're living the whole chain smoker lifestyle. Hanging out in the convenience stores where they buy their cartons, drinking counter service coffee and furiously scraping their scratchies with the edge of a nickel and leaving the silver bits all over the table. Constantly hacking up a lung and talking with that raspy, throaty, old person voice. Then before you know it they're trying to make the switch to vape and think that entitles them to do it in your car or your house. Not to mention the way they'll be bitching about how expensive it is, how much more they have to pay in insurance premiums and going on and on about how they're trying to quit. It's the worst.

Look, obviously we are dealing with metaphorical wolves a lot closer to the proverbial wagon right now. And I'm a small "l" libertarian who believes all biped mammals have the right to whatever habits they want to have as long as it doesn't infringe on the personal freedom of others. I'm just warning you that this chain smoking monkey situation might seem a fun and humorous distraction right now, but the societal costs of this are going to bite us in the ass once the rest of this is all over.