The Barstool Fund - In Support Of The 30 Day FundLearn More

Sting Rays are Mammals!

The world is such a magical place, right? This morning I was taking a bath with the temperature at a lovely medium hot. Scrolling through social media, I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw this momma sting ray shitting out triplets. What a marvel! But that’s always the case with live births... beautiful, but that’s the thing! It was a live birth!

I thought sting rays laid eggs!

They don’t!

The have live births!

Wouldn’t that be hilarious if sting rays found out the were pregnant the same way humans do? Just imagine a sting ray walking into a Walgreens (or your local drug store if you don’t like chains) and buying two pregnancy tests. The kind that is easy to read. With symbols. I’m not sure if sting rays can read.

The sting ray would then have to piss on a stick after purchasing the pregnancy test via apple pay. Maybe android pay but I doubt it. After paying and pushing, the sting ray wait for the result right there in the store. The clerk would think the sting ray was taking a stinky fish shit (offensive) but, in reality, she was waiting by the Dyson bladeless hand dryer for see if her life had changed.

The results? Negative. Vaguely disappointed, she sighs in relief. She’s not ready for triplets, not in this economy.