PENGUIN WATCH UPDATE: Talking Shit To The Belugas

If you're new here then get familiar. We're balls deep in an old fashioned Penguin Watch at the local aquarium. It began at the onset of major quarantine when they turned the penguins loose to stretch their legs. No visitors means maximum fun for the South Arctic crescent penguins, and boy did they take advantage of it. 

But what started as a joke has quickly turned into one of the biggest beefs in the quarantined aquatic animal community as the penguins flocked to the Beluga tank tonight to get their shots in NSFW

I've said it before I'll say it again. Being a penguin sucks for a lot of reasons but #1 is you got double jeopardy when it comes to captivity. You gotta worry about the zoo and the aquarium when you're in the wild. Everyone wants a piece of your ass and no one plays nice. When you think about it like that, you'd be running up the score on the belugas too. Your tank sucks guys. No amount of quarantine will ever let you stretch your fins in Lake Michigan, mostly because the toxins are too overpowering. But also because belugas pay the fuckin bills. They're the big draw here and after some time it probably gets to you in the penguin tank. Probably sucks playing second fiddle every day of your life while the belugas get all the love with their own trainers and their buckets of chard or whatever that shit's called. Point is - if you're a penguin and you get a sliver of freedom, it makes all the sense in the world that you want to flex on the belugas.

Dolphins on the other hand will straight up murder your ass. So maybe for now we leave the dolphins to their indisputable human-like depression and play it safe with the big friendlies. 

I'll be here all night if anyone needs me. 

Penguin Watch Tips? Email carl@barstoolsports.com