There Is Just No Way I'm This Bald

This picture right here. The one we’re all looking at. It haunts my dreams. No joke I lose sleep over it. That can’t be the top of my head, but yet it is. I know I’m not that bald in real life. My hair isn’t that thin. Yeah I know I’m slowly balding, but also everytime I go to get a hair consultation they tell me I got too much hair to do anything about it yet. I’m like the cock of the walk at the Hairclub. All these bald motherfuckers giving me the stink eye being like what are you doing here “Surfer Hair brah” Get the fuck out of here with your golden locks you clown. Yet then I see a picture like this. It’s disgusting. It’s a travesty. That ain’t surfer hair. That’s ain’t the hair of a solid 8. That’s the guy you make fun of behind his back hair. A guy who is still putting product in his hair when everybody knows his hair is a joke. It’s Al Iafrati refusing to give in. It’s a guy with a bad comb over. I’m not that dude. I won’t ever be that dude. That picture isn’t me, but it is. I’m not that bald. I can’t be that bald. I can’t explain what is going on in that picture but it ain’t me. It has to be lighting or something. Fuck that guy.