Introducing The Biggest Regret of My Life - Not Naming This Baby Giraffe

DALLAS, Nov. 3 (UPI) – A donor at the Dallas Zoo will be able to name their new baby giraffe after purchasing the naming rights for $50,000 at the charity event “Zoo to Do.”The bidding started at $25,000 and the money will go toward conservation efforts in Africa.The giraffe was already 6 feet tall and 120 pounds when it was born.

Way to go Dallas Zoo. Way not to publicize this thing till it was over. I mean 50K to name a baby giraffe? Ashtray money bro. Seriously I’m buying horses and mini horses left and right.  Yeah I said Mini horse.   Introducing Extraordinary Clara the newest addition to the Portnoy household courtesy of my wife.  I go to Ohio State for 1 weekend and she buys a mini horse while I’m gone.  Got to keep your head on a swivel.  Don’t think just throw Prez.  Don’t think just throw….

Introducing Extraordinary Clara Portnoy

Anyway you think I wouldn’t have gotten in the mix for a baby giraffe? Of course I would have! I live for baby giraffes! Everybody knows that. Giraffes are my things. All I do is talk about giraffes and baby giraffes. Giraffe manor ever heard of it? I’m so pissed I wasn’t involved in this auction. That giraffe’s name should be Sir Bernard the III. It’s the perfect name.