Are You Single, Practicing Social Distancing, And Still VERY Horny? Well I've Got Good News For You!

Ahhh spring time. Flowers are blooming, patios are open, sundresses are coming out of the closet, the air is warmer, and there is love in it. Under normal conditions, you'll be out at a bar this time of year and you'll try to play it cool, but on the inside you look like

Now though, you're just in perpetual hibernation. Social distancing. Isolation. And worse...FOMO. Everywhere you turn you see articles about how people in relationships are just banging non-stop out of boredom. Doctor Oz releasing op-eds telling people to keep banging. There's articles predicting a mass wave of pregnancies related to coronavirus induced sex. Everyone is banging...except you. 

And that is a problem because of something Carl said on radio the other day. He said that men, in a crisis situation get extra horny. When it's end times we have a biological response to spread out seed everywhere as much as possible before we get killed. Is that a scientific fact? Well I couldn't find an article by googling it but Carl is a smart guy and it FEELS true. It feels like people are going to be extra horny. Extra focused on sex. Extra...alone...until now. 

(source)--Tinder will be offering its premium Passport feature for free to all of its users starting next week. The function, which is usually part of the app’s $9.99 to $19.99 membership plans, offers the option to swipe left or right on anyone on the app “to check in with people in other parts of the world,” according to a memo sent out by Tinder parent company Match Group’s CEO Sharmistha Dubey Thursday afternoon.

Tinder will now allow you to be horny internationally with a $10 discount. Odds of finding someone equally as horny as you just went up by global proportions. 

We've got people doing facetime dates 

And virtually getting to second base. Nice. 

And the place that never stopped being horny…craigslist

“If it’s end of days we can at least go satisfied, and if we live through it then we have an interesting story to share for the rest of our lives,” reads one Craigslist post for an isolation mate by a 42-year-old business professional who includes their height, weight and that they’re “dd” (drug and disease) free.

“Would love to connect with someone, gather some food, necessities and hide together, we can get to know each other, have some fun while doing it,” writes the Queens-based searcher.

And ladies, this is a market economy. I would assume that the price for feet pics via instagram DM is through the roof. Treat yourself to a new pair of shoes, and then take pics of them because I am sure some dudes would gladly pay you for that. 

At least we all have this to look forward to as well