Some Asshole Is Selling 40 Of My Topps Cards on Ebay For 5 Bucks?

I’ve honestly never been so insulted in my life. Guy is selling 40 cards of me for 5 bucks? Quick somebody do some math! That’s like 13 cents a card and I rounded up. Do you know who I am Dano? I’m Davey Pageviews dammit! You can’t just devalue my entire existence like this. This is how my personal stock crashes. Word gets out in the street that my cards are only worth 13 cents each and I’m finished in this business. All these young smut peddlers who copy my every move can smell blood a mile away. Fuck that. You’re not taking me down like that. I bid 100 dollars!

PS – Those aren’t even the good ones. The good ones are the ones that have legit pieces of my original Purple Starfish bathing suit that I sent to topps for my personal memorabilia and I signed. Those are probably like 500 internet dollars apiece. Yeah that it’s it. Phew….